Independence from Parental Dependance

Independent from Parental Dependence

Recently my 13 year old announced that she and a bunch of friends were going to be hanging out by Indian Rock, which for Springfielder’s in the know, is a part of Darby Creek that runs behind Springfield Swim Club. Not being originally from Springfield and living on the other side of the tracks, so to speak, of this area, I was not familiar with where it was and what seemed to be the attraction to that particular spot. I inquired to a few friends of mine, who live over that way, and they said that there is a Tarzan swing that swings across a pool of creek water, kids will jump in the water and swim around in the water. My other friend said their kids use to fish bare-handed (?) when they were younger. They said they got muddy but and that it really is not that dangerous. Being a bit cautious I still encouraged my 13 year old to find somewhere else to spend time. Obviously, that what not she wanted to hear, especially since “all the other kids are allowed”.

When I was a kid, living up in Northeast Philadelphia, any given summer day we would leave our house early in the morning and walk 10 minutes down to the Andalusia Crick. It’s actually CREEK, but we called it the CRICK. Not sure if that is a Philly thing or just how we pronounced it. We would tell mom we were heading to the crick. No cell phones. No adult supervision. Just a bunch of us kids. Sometimes with home-made fishing rods in tow, little fish nets to catch minnows, frogs or salamanders and of course there was the Tarzan swing. We would spend hours in our muddied Chuck Taylor sneakers wading knee high in the water, climbing over algae and moss covered rocks. We’d climb trees, skim rocks and make mudslides down the dirt sided banks of the creek. Occasionally we would climb to the top of what seemed like a small mountain grabbing onto branches and roots of trees, scaling our own Mount Everest to finally reach the top which led us to the backside of Woodhaven Mall with enough money in our pockets to share one soda and a slice of pizza for 4 kids. Returning home by late afternoon, my mom would say “did you have fun today?” No phone calls home, no problems, no worries. Maybe a few skinned knees. But just great summer kid-fun.

So what has happened to me? I hung out by the Crick, so why don’t I want my children to? IS it really more dangerous than it used to be? Nowadays, kids barely go two blocks without their parents giving them a ride. Plus they can Facetime, text, call or google map, snapchat and Instagram almost every second of their time being out of our sight. And we still are frightened by what may happen because we are not there to manage, rather control, the situation. And I often wonder if we, as parents, are doing more harm than good to this generation. I think my mother’s peace of mind came from, what she didn’t know wouldn’t hurt her. Meaning, she felt pretty confident we would be okay even if we were out of her sight all day. I don’t think it was that she didn’t care. Maybe my fear is being considered “that kind of parent” that doesn’t pay attention to their children. Or that as my kids walk around by themselves means I am not involved in their lives. Is it really all about me? Or maybe I don’t even know what I am talking about.

Probably what it truly is, is seeing my kids grow up and watching them strive for their own independence. Doing something less mainstream and making decisions for themselves. My mother always said that her biggest challenge as a mom was to hope and pray that she instilled good enough values in all of my sisters and myself so that we would be able to make good positive decisions on our own behalf. Maybe with Independence Day upon us, it is time I take my mom’s advice and loosen up the apron strings a bit. Allow my teens to challenge themselves a bit more and swing out on that Tarzan swing of life. Even if I am not there to watch them all the time. Hmmm. Ignorance is bliss? Maybe. But I will be expecting a phone call shortly thereafter.