'No' is Not a Four-Letter Word

It's almost impossible to believe that I met many of the women in my immediate circle of friends nearly 15 years ago when our children ended up in the same kindergarten class at Baker Elementary. Two of these friends now teach nursery school and we have 17 grown children between us. Each of us would be the first to admit to our share of blunders as new parents, but now that we find ourselves on the next leg of the journey, we sometimes wish we could give young parents the benefit of our experience.

We all have stories of parenting gone awry and I would like to share one of mine. At our local home improvement store one evening I saw a poor man pleading with his 3-year-old to "go pay for our things." The child was sitting on the floor in front of the plumbing aisle looking quite comfortable and not at all in a hurry to “go pay." As I walked past, the man’s pleas continued to fall on deaf ears; "let's go pay for our things, ok? Don't you want to go pay for our things?...PLEASE????" Part of me, remembering the uncertainty of being a new parent, felt sorry for the man, while my “older and wiser” self wanted to yell ”snap out of it!” The scene convinced me that it's time to spread the word to all young parents that they have the right, if not the duty, to take back their lives.

I was dying to see what tactic the dad would resort to in order to encourage his son to comply. Would he use the classic bribery of ice cream, extra TV time, latest popular action figure, or the empty threats of NO ice cream, TV time, latest popular action figure? However, not wanting to embarrass the man and possibly risk an escalation of the stand-off, I walked discreetly toward the back of the store. I spent about seven minutes looking at wooden dowels, but just had to see if the father and son were still there. Much to my relief, upon my return, they were nowhere in sight. My only regret is that the means by which the toddler was convinced to leave will forever remain a mystery.

Believe me, I empathize with parents hoping to avoid a scene while out in public. However, I think there is nearly universal agreement among professionals that children need limits to be healthy and happy. If you give your toddler consistent limits, you are likely to end up with a teenager that is a pleasure to be around. And believe me, as parents who’ve been there, we’ll be cheering you on from the sidelines.