My earlier post on Kids, which was actually a rant on poor parenting that results in annoying, sometimes out-of-control children, generated responses that indicate there may be a wider problem beyond ill-behaved children, reaching to ill-mannered adults. Hum. Imagine that?
After thinking about the topic of manners, and asking opinions from friends and family, here is a David Letterman-like list of the Top Ten “Miss Manners” Offenses.
10. The Rules Don’t Apply to Me. Admittedly, this is a catch-all category. Specific examples include sitting in the Quiet Car on Amtrak and belligerently talking because “nobody tells me I can’t talk,” and pedestrians negligently (often tourists) or even deliberately (locals, teenagers & retirees) stepping into the street when traffic has a green light and then defying a car to hit them.
9. Table Manners. Things like blowing your nose at the table and then putting the (sometimes cloth!) napkin on the table. Sitting next to someone in a restaurant doing that is disgusting – both in terms of manners and hygiene. Pity the pour waiter or bus boy too. Carry Kleenex for goodness sake, and dispose of your snot rag yourself! And then there’s Pickiness and Piggy-ness. Pickiness refers to people who pick at food – ripping a piece of pizza (being jointly shared) to shreds “for the pepperoni.” Piggy-ness is six people sitting down to dinner. There are six pieces of corn on the table. Hum, how many pieces of corn have been allotted for each person? Do the math before you dive in for a second or even third piece of corn, or at least ask if everybody who wants some has had some. Extrapolate this to other areas as well…
Town and Country did an article in their June/July issue bemoaning the state of both manners and service in restaurants. Their advice: “In the best of all worlds, you learn your table manners at home, under the watchful eye of parents. If you’ve missed this variety of homeschooling, it’s never too late to catch up…The book you should buy, today, is one that deserves to be far better know. Its title is Tiffany’s Table Manners for Teenagers, and it was first written by Walter Hoving and first published in 1961.”
Feel free to share the name of that book.....
8. Being Oblivious to the World. People on their phones, talking to their friends, or just generally off in another world who mosey around as though nobody else has anywhere to go, often stopping in the middle of doorways and at the end of escalators (or anywhere people are trying to get through) need to move.
This applies as well to individuals for whom it means nothing there is a line behind them, and fail to “move along.” These are the women at the gas pump who finish putting gas in their car, and then put on mascara while you wait behind them, or the men at the ATM who take a phone call before finishing their transaction. MOVE!
7. Interrupting. Jumping into or hijacking a conversation is increasingly common practice. The general rule is: Wait until the other person has finished speaking. Admittedly, there is a flip side: Do not dominate the conversation. Take a breath now and then.
6. Whatever happened to Please, Thank You, and Excuse Me? These words are on the verge of being removed from the Oxford Dictionary and declared extinct! Perhaps a tutorial is needed. Person A is walking, likely with earbuds in and texting, and runs into Person B. Person A should say, “Excuse me.” It’s simple! But here’s a more complicated example. Person A needs directions and so says to Person B, “Hey, where’s Starbucks?” A better way might be, “Excuse me, can you please tell me where Starbucks is?” Then when Person B says, “on the corner” Person A says, “Thank you.”
5. Cutting in line. Your time is more important that everybody else? No, I don’t think so. I was in line going through immigration in Boston recently when two pretty young ladies marched to the front of 300+ people, smiled and said “We have to meet some people, so we need to go to the front of the line if you don’t mind. Thanks so much!” At that point a burly policeman walked up and said, “I mind. Get in line.” The people in line, including me, applauded. The young ladies pouted and texted frantically (likely about the injustice they had just suffered) as they waited with everybody else.
4. Last minute cancellations & no-shows. There are times when last minute cancellations can’t be helped. It happens to everyone. But there are no excuses for simply not showing up, and there are certain people who you know in advance will make plans with you, and from the minute the plans are made, there is a 50/50 chance (or more) they will cancel, usually last minute. I had a roommate once who said Maybe when she meant No. I knew that and planned accordingly. I have another friend now, an older, professional women, who initiates getting together and then regularly cancels. She is widely known as a Canceller and No-Show. Many of these individuals are also BBDers – standing for Bigger Better Deal. They dump you if something potentially better comes up. At a party with them, they spend their time searching the room over your shoulder looking for the BBD they can move in on. It’s both unprofessional and rude. What’s with these people?
3. Special drivers. These are the people who cut in line on foot, and do the same when in their cars. If there is a line of 40+ cars waiting to get off an exit ramp, they travel in a non-exit lane – or even the road shoulder -- and then cut over at the last minute wanting in. Personally, I don’t let them in. And then I get the “what a jerk” look (often accompanied by a hand gesture) from them. Too bad.
2. Cell Phones. Where to begin? Get off your F***ing cell phone! I love restaurants and business establishments that have signs saying “We are happy to serve you when you are off your phone.” My time is valuable too, and waiting while you try to simultaneously carry on a conversation on your phone, ask questions of the person trying to wait on you, and while you make a decision is just plain rude.
Also, constantly checking your messages or texting while with other people. Pay attention to who you are with and put down your phone. Where your attention is clearly indicates who/what you think is important.
And then there are the people who insist on talking in loud voices on their cell phones. I ride the commuter train to Boston twice a week. People talk on the cell phones as though there is nobody else in the train car. Dial it back! Nobody cares to hear you making plans for Saturday night, argue with your children, line up your next colonoscopy, or anything else, nor your every-other-word profanity, or if the person is under 25, hearing the word “like” 25 times per minute. The latter isn’t necessarily rude, but it is nails-on-a-blackboard annoying.
1. Not responding to correspondence. It is common courtesy to respond to communication initiated by another person, be it by email, phone, or whatever, even if to say “I can’t help you” or “no.” This is number one on the Missing Manners list because not responding is the ultimate passive-aggressive approach used by an increasing number of people. It infuriates me.
The underlying problem? Entitlement. It’s all about ME.
Bring back Miss Manners.
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