Knowing What You Want and Wanting to Win

A long time ago, in another life, I played racquetball in a league. I really loved the game. It made me feel strong to whack that little ball against the far wall and watch it bounce around the room for my opponent to find and whack back around the room in the opposite direction. I joined a round-robin league at a local club.  We played every week, moving up and down the roster depending on the games we won or lost. For the first several times the league ran, I always came in dead last. The first time, I was fine with that. I was new to the game and knew that I had not mastered any of the “tricks” to getting my opponent to miss when it came to her return shot.

After coming in last three times, though, I was lamenting my status to my boss. I liked to play the game, but my opponents seemed to be all about the competition.  I was there for the fun. I was there to stay in shape. I liked to have some place to go after work. I was only doing it to make friends in my new home. I was really in it for the exercise. Those aerobic classes were boring.  And, so on and so on. My litany of why I always lost was endless. After listening to me as I made my excuses, my boss asked me, “Do you want to win?”  The question took me aback and I had to think about it for a minute. I knew what he was asking. He was really asking me if I really believed my excuses or were they just rationalizations for my poor performance. By the time I said, yes, I really did want to win, I knew what I had to do. After that little pep talk with myself, I went on to win the trophy for the next league and was virtually unstoppable after that.

I recalled this story to a friend the other day as I ponder another pivotal moment in my life and I realized that the question is one that could help a lot of people. In my job and among my friends, I see many people who say that they are frustrated by their lack of success as they try to do this or that. Sometimes these people just seem to make bad choices. Sometimes they’re put in a corner by circumstances beyond their control. In many cases, I think that if they just made the decision “to want to win” and to base their decisions going forward on their choice, they will be just fine.

I know it’s an over-simplification. But really the tough part is not in what happens after you make the choice. The tough part is in making the choice itself. Are you prepared for the ramifications of a “yes” choice? Do you really want what you say you want? 

For me the question, as I face it today, is not about a job or a game or a political future. It’s personal. It can be life-changing and I’m not sure that the answer is “yes”. 

For you, think about what you are most frustrated by. What’s keeping you from achieving something you want? What are your roadblocks? Are they really beyond your control?  Do you want to win?