Fancy Pants, '70s Dancing, Uncle "Tricky Feet" Frankie, & Putting Out Fires

Dear Mr. McGillivary,

Consider yourself very lucky, Mr. McGillivary. Believe me, my Uncle “Tricky Feet” Frankie would have gladly taken a five-year leave without pay from his post, if he were in your boots today.

He would have done ANYTHING and I mean ANYTHING to have had the opportunity to escape Auntie Rosy’s (his 15th sister) punishment for pulling the same stunt, allegedly, as you.

It’s true. Uncle "Tricky Feet" Frankie pulled his pants down in public. Only he did it at Auntie Rosy’s daughter's wedding, on June 13, 1975, while dancing to “That’s the Way I Like It,” by KC & The Sunshine Band.  

In front of 300 guests, Auntie Rosy came up from behind her brother, knocked him down to the floor, and dragged him by his pants that were wrapped around his ankles into the Legion’s kitchen.

Auntie Rosy did things to her brother that I can never share with you or anyone else outside of the family. I was only seven at the time, but I grew up fast that night—too fast. 

After Auntie Rosy’s was done teaching her little brother, Uncle “Tricky Feet” Frankie, a few lessons on keeping his pants up in public, that poor bast#rd was never the same again; physically or mentally.

When Uncle “Tricky Feet” Frankie passed away, Auntie made certain that her dead brother’s pants were folded down to his ankles, just like at her daughter’s wedding, for full-viewing at his wake, Auntie Rosy gave new meaning to the term “open casket.”  

Count your blessings, Mr. McGillivary, that my Auntie Rosy is not your 15th sister, Sir. From today forward, Sir, when you’re representing our town, please keep your pants up, wouldja?

Sincerely,

Kara