Sending Empathetic Kids Back to School This Fall

By: Shelley Renzi

“Be the change you want to see in the world” M. Gandhi

You cannot see the way things were with the eyes you have today.

For most adults it’s hard to recall what it was like to be a kid riding a school bus, walking the hallowed halls of an educational institution, or trying to fit into the varied and growing environment of classmates and learning. An outside perspective tells us school is where internal growth takes flight. This is a child’s time to gain knowledge about worldly endeavors through history, appreciate structured mathematical reasoning, understand the breadth of communication through language, and experiment through scientific hypothesization.

There are other facets of education as well. Our children also become contained in the chambers of socialization. These parameters morph as grade levels rise. Children are exposed to various social observations and trials. They gain access to daily social testing and results. Parents shouldn’t overlook this plethora of opportunity where kids can attain information and practice regarding how to be decent human beings.

Within this sidebar of the typical educational system kids reap endless options to try on personality styles, hone negotiation skills, create plans for positivity, and practice picking themselves up after being knocked down. The social skills attained in school years set up the character basis from which you draw upon in adulthood. There are timeless lessons in understanding the ramifications of ignorance as well as the benefits of being a truly good person.

There are opposing strengths that develop - shy kids develop self-confidence; picked-on kids gain defensive and protective skills; and kids who are laughed at tend to learn to laugh with others. Pupils learn to fight or flow with what they face. Kids that aren’t faced with adversity benefit as well - comedic kids hone timing for maximum entertainment ability; popular kids learn to lead with consciousness; and nice kids demonstrate friendship and caring.

Preparing our kids this fall doesn’t only entail finding new sneakers, pens and textbooks. It’s just as necessary to demonstrate, discuss, and take advantage of social teaching moments in fortifying them for school. In partnering with children to prepare for school, we are really getting them ready for life. There are some skills adults can instruct, others that must be demonstrated and there are a few that have to be practiced alongside another to be recognized.

Empathy is not an easily acquired skill. A truly empathetic individual learns through observation and being with others. Empathy is not sympathy. Telling another you feel bad about what they are going through is not the same as literally and figuratively sitting beside them as they traverse difficult situations and realizations. An empathetic person feels what others feel and share their emotions to lessen their burden or broaden their excitement. Empathy works for happiness as well as sadness.

It takes an outstanding person to rise to the sameness of another and exist in their plight. It is a human endeavor to cease attempts at changing how others feel, or react, and instead just exist with them, hold them, and give them permission to feel as they do, regardless of how difficult it might be. Empathy may be more challenging than anything you have ever taught your children, but in extending this perspective, you will have shared the greatest gift in human connection they will ever need.

Teaching empathy:

• Exemplify. Empathize with your children. Don’t shower them with your worldly and expert advice. Your decades of living have certainly availed wonderful views and lessons for you, but if you always tell them what to do, how will they determine resolutions for themselves? Children need to learn by making mistakes. Ask them how they would solve the problems they bring to you. Ask leading questions but allow them to come to their own conclusions. Then let them go to follow through on those conclusions to figure out for themselves if that was the best way to handle the situation. Follow up with them later. Give them credit for their choices. Then give them the opportunity to reflect on what they chose to do and how it worked out.

• Discuss the details of interactions with others. Talk to your child about how they talk to others and how others talk to them. Observe if you can. There is nothing better than actual examples. Teaching moments are irreplaceable. In lieu of them, as necessary, create examples to demonstrate how to talk with others. Utilize examples on all levels because it’s important for kids to understand the way they talk to a sibling, friend, teacher or parent differs. Discuss how kindness has nothing to do with changing the way someone feels because feeling with another is an even greater gift.

• Practice. No one is perfect. This fact should be mentioned, analogized and repeated. Share stories of personal imperfection to demonstrate how it isn’t only realistic but normal and acceptable. Practice empathy with your child and have your child practice it with you and others. Remind them how empathy changes everything while judgement, ignorance, and hurtfulness can create sorrow, frustration and even hatred.

I consider these discussions “car talks.” While I have a captive audience and clarity of mind, based on the single focus of driving, I indulge my parental guidance by planning and discussing the most important of lessons with my children. Empathy and life preparedness are among my favorite topics. Perhaps this fall, they can become yours as well.

I welcome your constructive input on this subject. Please feel free to comment and share.

Be your best and assist others to be the best they can be.
To your health and happiness,
Shelley

Shelley Renzi is a Rhode Island Resident, Parent, Author, Creative Writer, and Wellness Coach. She enjoys reaching out to educate, innovate and inspire the improvement of health and wellness and believes life obstacles are overcome with recognition, patience and assistance.

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