Former Tiverton Resident Writes Inspirational Autobiography

It may have been one of the most beautiful settings for a book signing ever. It was a rare day in May outside – the sun shining, the Sakonnet sparkling.

Author Linda Lambert Pestana stacked copies of her inspirational autobiography “Voices of the Heart: A Journey of Faith, Hope, and Love” on a picnic table, along with DVDs, CDs, and beribboned bookmarks with the words: “You Are Loved!”

“When I decided to write my book, I fired Linda and hired God,” said Linda. “I am so ready for this moment. I have no fear, and I want to share.”

Born and raised in South Berwick, ME, Linda overcame a difficult childhood.

“The complexity of my emotional life began at birth,” she writes. “I was born but not wanted. I felt loved but never lovable. I tried to be good, kind, and loving but never felt good enough, kind enough, or loving enough.”

Soon after her birth, Linda’s mother found out that her husband was cheating on her.

“While my mother was in the hospital in a room with four other women, a nurse came in and asked, ‘Whose husband is William Lambert?’ My mother said, ‘That’s my husband, and Linda is my child.’ The woman lying in the next bed said, ‘William Lambert is also the father of my son.’”

Raising five children in chronic financial hardship in an isolated cottage in Wells, ME, Linda’s mother also endured the abuse of a negligent husband, who struck her when his temper flared.

“Finally, the day arrived when she was convinced that the only escape from the pain and nightmare in which she found herself was to end the lives of her children and then to kill herself,” Linda writes.

But by the next morning, her mother realized she had another option. With the help of family and friends, she moved back to South Berwick and divorced her husband.

A woman whose courage was rooted in her Catholic faith, Linda’s mother attended Mass with her older children until one Sunday morning.

“The priest walked across the sanctuary and slowly climbed into the pulpit,” writes Linda. “The pastor raised his arm and pointed his long, slim finger directly at my mother. ‘You don’t belong here! You are a divorced woman. In the eyes of the Church, you are living in mortal sin! You are excommunicated, and you are not part of this congregation. You are no longer welcome here.’”

A year after the divorce, her mother remarried. She would have two more children with her second husband.

“One particular night, I recall awakening to a noisy commotion downstairs,” writes Linda. “I ran down in time to see him throwing my mother from one side of the room to the other. She had a bloody nose and a swollen eye. I ran to her, wrapped myself around her leg and screamed, ‘Daddy don’t hurt her!’”

One day when Linda’s stepfather was at work, the family escaped to safety, moving into a second-story apartment in South Berwick. Her mother divorced him and from that point on was a single parent, raising her children by herself.

After graduation, Linda worked as a secretary at the Portsmouth Naval Shipyard in New Hampshire.

“As the year progressed, something else moved quietly within me,” writes Linda. “The nudge toward a religious vocation became more and more pronounced. That gentle push soon became a longing that begged to be fulfilled.”

Linda entered the novitiate on Feb. 2, 1969.

“The day I entered, I didn’t even have a Bible or a rosary,” writes Linda. “I chose the Sisters of St. Joseph because of the commonality of our aspirations and the resonance of their way of life. It was also safe. I was clear about that, but that’s about all I knew.”

For the next 25 years, Sister Linda served her community well, working as a kindergarten teacher and at the Christian Life Center in Maine. She earned a master’s degree in creation spirituality from Holy Names College in Oakland, CA, and furthered her studies in clinical pastoral education at the Interfaith Healthcare Ministries in Providence.

Losing her mother and brother within three months, Linda was grappling with her own grief when she joined the pastoral team at St. Anne’s Hospital in Fall River. She lived in a small apartment in Tiverton, the first time she had ever lived alone.

“Working as a chaplain and bereavement facilitator with the dying taught me so much about life,” said Linda. “They would say, ‘Linda, I took things too seriously. I worried about everything and was more concerned about doing dishes than playing with my children. I wish I had lived life all along the way.’”

Another career change loomed in the distance when Linda was asked to be in leadership formation for the community, working with young women.

“I felt I couldn’t invite the young because we were dying,” said Linda. “If I stayed, I would die. I had to face that darkness.”

Her struggle with perfectionism had finally caught up with her, resulting in a crisis of faith.

“The thought of leaving religious life terrified me, but I could no longer ignore the fact that these thoughts had plagued me for a very long time,” she writes. “I was Humpty Dumpty, and I felt broken and scattered. The prototype of the perfect religious person I had always envisioned myself to be literally fell off the wall. The Sister Linda, CSJ, image fell, was shattering, and I was powerless to put her back together again.”

After one counseling session, Linda realized that all her life she had been harboring fear.

Today, Linda is married to Louis Pestana, her husband for the past 16 years.

“My story, my faith journey, has woven my brightest as well as my darkest moments with an invisible cord of faith,” writes Linda. “My birth of ‘self’ remains an ongoing evolution and blessing. Today, I know I am good enough, kind enough, and loving enough because I’ve finally come home.”

To purchase a signed copy of “Voices of the Heart: A Journey of Faith, Hope, and Love,” email Linda Lambert Pestana at linda.pestana@yahoo.com or visit www.lindapestana.com. The book is also available at amazon.com and at local bookstores.