Should Your New Young Adult Have a Curfew?

“Just because you are 18 now, doesn’t mean that you can do whatever you please!”

Sound familiar?

Today’s economy has been forcing more and more young adults to live at home with their parents even longer than they used to.

So, what happens now? Do you keep the same rules? Do you change the rules? Do you drop the rules completely?

We know the young adults will vote for the latter but is that the best way to co-habitate in peace?

By the time your child turns 16, they most likely have become well-versed in playing the rationalization game which involves trying to make the parent’s rules invalid because they don’t believe the rules make sense or pertain to them. They believe that if they can convince their parents that if it doesn’t make sense that the rule should be obsolete.

They want their freedom and will fight to the death to get it. Of course, they want those long-awaited days of complete freedom and they assumed it would magically happen on their eighteenth birthday. So, in your household…will it happen?

Does it really matter to you that your child wants you to have valid reasons to have these rules. The old-fashioned, “Because I said so” was and still is in some households, the golden rule of rules. The one rule that makes children everywhere cringe and show their fangs.

Basically, there is really no set rule or reason about how you handle your official new young adult, but it helps to know beforehand how you will go about the expected changes.

As long as your young adult is being responsible and following the house rules that were already in place, there is no reason why you need to have a curfew if you don’t mind the sound of the doors opening in the wee hours. I recommend the “Reciprocation Factor."

If they do their share of the chores, they contribute to the family both physically and/or financially like an adult and they are respectful, then there is no reason not to grant them the freedom they are asking. Of course on the other hand, if they are not following through with the things you are asking them to do around the house or not courtesy-calling you as agreed upon and they are not paying their own bills or other financial obligations, then why would we grant them the adult privilege of freedom when they are not pulling their end of the bargain?

Adulthood is a two-way street. Your child needs to act like one in order to be granted the privileges of one. It is a plain and simple concept. Most children have been spoiled and given too many indulgences without having earned them already. Give them a chance to take off and not come back except to sleep, shower and raid the fridge.

Well, that makes for the perfect formula to finish raising a selfish adult with no reason to move out. We know it is easier to stop them from whining and driving you crazy by just saying “yes” but being easy does not make it right.

We all want a break from being parents but our job is to raise our children to be responsible, respectable adults. They may become parents themselves and some sooner than others. Think of the parents that your future grandchildren will have!

So parents, if you did your job well, by the time your child is 18, they will be responsible and respectful. They will be able to co-habitate peacefully as well-adjusted adults. They will be in the “adults working together with adults” mode. No more curfews unless the privilege is abused.

(But don’t lose all the rules, after all, you do want them to leave, don’t you? )