The Kings is Dead

I was contemplating writing a rambling, borderline-offensive narrative of a hard-wired bachelor party weekend in Savannah, GA, but I've been distracted this week by the soon-to-be-uninsurable Kings of Leon. Plus, I fear the legal ramifications of letting the public in on just too much of last weekend. Unfortunately, The Kings don't have that option thanks this whole "Internet" thing. Jesus, 29 shows cancelled on U.S. soil? This country really is pulling apart at the seams. I don't particularly care for the Kings of Leon. But, then again, I don't really detest and loath them like I do some bands. Like Nickelback. Or your band. Hey, it's a competition, baby. But unfortunate as it may be, for all intents and purposes, the Tennessee boys are "American Rock N' Roll" at the moment, so with that, we must roll...

Anywho, according to Rolling Stone magazine and various other media outlets, thanks to lead singer Caleb Followill's "vocal issues and exhaustion," Lloyd's of London, the band's insurers, may be forced to divvy out an upwards of $15 million dollars to promoters, venues, any other of these poor goons that got mixed up in the doomed U.S. tour of 2011. On the countless, fan-uploaded YouTube videos from Friday's now-infamous Dallas, TX, concert (which Vector, their management company, has been attempting to yank down for copyright claims, according to Rolling Stone) Followill just kind of lets loose a near-incoherent, obscenity-laced rant throughout their set that ends pretty solidly with: "I'm gonna go backstage and I'm gonna vomit. I'm gonna drink a beer and I'm gonna come back out and play three more songs."

Cue jutting out your bottom teeth and jerking your drink toward the stage in a boozy toast.

Our boy, however, never made it back onstage -- much to the chagrin of the legions of Kings of Leon fans that began booing and hurling whatever they could find at the rest of the band who was desperately trying to apologize on his behalf.

Of course, band insiders (and most anyone who is following this fiasco) aren't really taking the whole "vocal issues and exhaustion" thing too, too seriously. Even his brother, Jared Followill, bassist for the band, said immediately afterward: "There are internal sicknesses & problems that have needed to be addressed," he said via Twitter. "I can't lie, there are problems in our band bigger than not drinking enough Gatorade." Of course, according to reports, seems the band's also trying the old "shove him into rehab in time for the international tour" trick. We'll see what happens there.

Our boy should have taken notes from Keith Richards. A true rock star pro. Maybe Richards' shriveled English liver represents popular American Rock N' Roll. Not dead yet, but battered, worn-down, struggling and slowly, gently burning out like a dying ember in some backwoods bonfire.

The Kings is dead? We'll see.