Opioid Use Disorder Didn’t Define Me, It Doesn’t Have to Define you

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(Med 16)

it happened a few times. I meet someone new, start getting to know them,
eventually get to the point where we share personal things about our
lives, and then BAM! As soon as I mention my previous addiction to
opioids, the other person clams up. Gives me a tight smile and moves
on.
It doesn’t matter that I no longer struggle. It
doesn’t matter that I fought to get to where I am today and I am
comfortable with who I am, past and all. As soon as certain people hear
that I had a former addiction, it’s like something shuts off in their
brains in relation to me.
They no longer accept me for who I am because the addiction is all they can see.
But having a problem in the past with addiction doesn’t make me me.
I’m someone who loves to be outdoors: camping, hiking, exploring, you
name it. I’m a person who loves food, especially new and different
kinds. Traveling brings me joy and understanding of the world and the
people in it like nothing else does, and I try to do it as often as I
can.
I love reading. I
love writing my own stories and experiences and getting lost as the
words pour out of me onto paper. I also love learning new and
interesting things and skills.
All of these things define me far more than my addiction to opioids ever did, so why do some people refuse to see that?
Honestly,
who knows? Maybe it’s the stigma that still exists surrounding
addiction. Maybe it’s their own fears and insecurities, but I’ll tell
you one thing – it’s not because that’s somehow something I deserve for
having had a problem in the past.
Far too many
people think that because they struggled and did things they shouldn’t
have, they deserve to be treated a certain way. As if their previous
actions somehow set them up for failure for the rest of their lives.
This
doesn’t just happen with addiction; I’ve seen this with an elderly man
who had been a harsh and unyielding parent in his earlier years. He’d
since changed and felt remorse for his previous actions but couldn’t let
go of the fact that he felt he was undeserving of his children’s love.
It didn’t matter that his children had seen the change in him and let go
of the past; he chose to let his actions from years ago define him.
When
this happens, all that brings is unhappiness. It can be hard to let go
when we feel we’ve messed up and deserve to pay the price for what we’ve
done. But think about it. Doesn’t everyone make mistakes?
If
you don’t hold the mistakes people you love have made against them,
then why do you hold them against yourself? Life is complex. People are
complex. None of us are composed of any one thing, and we should never
act like we are.
And that includes ourselves.
I
get that letting go is easier said than done, but guess what? Other
people are going to hold your past against you. Just like in my case,
they’ll hear that you had a problem with addiction and reduce you to
nothing more than an addict in their mind. So, if that’s going to happen
with others, the only way you’re going to come out unaffected is by
truly believing that your past doesn’t define you.
You have to choose to see and accept yourself for all that you are instead of what you were.