The Cash Registry Moment That Can Make Wedding Guests Squirm [The Question]

Weddings can be hard on the budget.

Friends of the couple may be asked to spend hundreds of dollars before anyone says "I do," from buying wedding-worthy clothes to booking travel for a long weekend of bachelor or bachelorette party shenanigans.

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By the time the wedding arrives, they may reason they've already spent enough and can skip the gift or choose something inexpensive but thoughtful. Is that rude?

Then there's this increasingly common wrinkle:

When submitting an RSVP through a wedding platform, you're prompted to make a cash contribution toward a new home, honeymoon or some other big-ticket item instead of buying a traditional gift.

The platform sets the minimum at $100. Is it OK to ignore the digital nudge and give the couple the toaster you'd planned to buy all along?

Wedding experts say the average cash wedding gift is $100 to $150, according to Western Union, a global financial services company specializing in money transfers. But "average" does not necessarily mean "required," especially when guests have already spent heavily just to attend.

Destination weddings raise the stakes even more.

If you pay for a flight and hotel room for a friend's wedding in Italy or on a Caribbean island, does etiquette still require you to buy a gift?

Many couples planning destination weddings spell out on the invitation that their guests' presence is the only gift they request. But if they don't, will you look like a clod if you show up empty-handed?

And what should you do in any of these situations?

We're asking for The Question,, an exclusive Patch column on etiquette, everyday ethics and what to do when the rules aren't quite as clear as everyone pretends they are. Just fill out the survey below. As always, we don't collect email addresses.

About The Question

The Question is an exclusive Patch series posing a broad array of questions on etiquette and what to do in certain situations — and readers provide the answers. If you have a topic you'd like us to consider, email beth.dalbey@patch.com with "The Question" as the subject line.

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