Here’s A Tip — Stop Asking For A Gratuity For Everything [The Question]

Only a handful of people among hundreds who responded to our inaugural survey for a new exclusive Patch feature, The Question, are OK with “tipflation,” the pressure during the pandemic to tip more often, at higher percentages and in non-traditional settings.

The Question, modeled after Patch’s neighborhood etiquette column Block Talk, is a series with a broader scope, exploring a wider range of etiquette and situational dilemmas. Nearly 350 people responded to our launch survey, in which we asked about the current state of tipping culture and, specifically, if it has become excessive.

“No,” said Concord (New Hampshire) Patch reader Mom. “Someone has to do the jobs that pay less to complete the circle of the economy. If they are good at their job, they should get appropriate compensation.”

Myron, who reads Melrose Patch and Wakefield Patch, both in Massachusetts, said he tips more since the COVID-19 pandemic, when Americans in general became more generous with their gratuities to support service and essential workers.

He doesn’t think that should change.

“At sit-down restaurants, I tip about 20 to 25 percent, if the service is acceptable, and even more if the service is exceptional,” Myron said.

‘It’s A Ridiculous System’

Digital payment systems, such as tablets, often present lower tip options in a way that makes the expectation of a gratuity socially uncomfortable.

Now, said Falls Church (Virginia) Patch reader Cookie, “tips are expected when the ‘service’ is just handing me my order at the counter.”

“How else could I receive my order if you do not hand it to me? Better to just include the ‘tip’ in the price up front so I can decide what I want to spend,” Cookie said.

Milwaukee Patch reader Scott said he has zero guilt “saying no to these electronic screens” but generally leaves a 20 percent gratuity for service at a sit-down restaurant.

“I tip at restaurants, and if I order a sandwich, the person waiting on me who prepared it. I will tip an Uber or Lyft driver if they have engaged me and provided service, like getting my bags, etc.,” said West Chester (Pennsylvania) Patch reader Susan.

“I don’t agree with tipping at coffee and bagel shops when the suggested tip is put on a screen,” she said.

Laurie, who reads College Park Patch and Greenbelt Patch, both in Maryland, adds street performers, buskers, and small venue performers to the people she tips.

Laurie also leaves gratuities at restaurants and for grocery delivery and Uber drivers but said she avoids valet parking and hotel luggage service “specifically so I don’t have to tip anyone.”

“It’s completely out of hand,” said Peabody (Massachusetts) Patch reader Di.

Di isn’t stingy. She generously tips delivery people, wait and bar staff, baristas, hairstylists, porters, housekeepers, shuttle bus drivers, and anyone who provides service when she’s at home or traveling.

She tips ride-share drivers 20 percent “unless they were awful,” and even leaves food delivery drivers 10 or 20 bucks, even though she knows that “half the time, it’s cold, and items are missing, so it’s a shot in the dark.”

“I tip well,” she said.

Sometimes it’s begrudgingly.

“The one that galls me is, why am I expected to tip more for a steak than a burger in the same restaurant? Is it harder to carry a plate with a steak on it?” she wondered. “It’s a ridiculous system.”

And here’s another thing: Di. “Now, tips are not taxed, but my wages are, and tips went up a lot while most wages did not,” Di said.

When It’s OK Not To Tip

Many readers who responded to an optional question on whether they’d ever withheld a tip said restaurant wait staff get at least a 15 percent gratuity if the service is average or even subpar.

It’s a dilemma, said Patch reader Nan, who generally tips restaurant servers between 20 percent and 25 percent. When a delivery driver drops off a particularly large item, she gives them $20 apiece and sometimes more. During a recent long move, she gave the 11 movers 60 bucks apiece.

“We want to support workers, but we ourselves have money issues,” Nan said. “We live in a deeply unfair society where the top 2 percent have most of the money, which simultaneously makes us angry as well as guilty if we have a little more.”

Toms River (New Jersey) Patch reader Henry said he tips at restaurants and hotels and for haircuts, ride shares, and food deliveries but has withheld gratuities for “intentional poor service.”

An Across America Patch reader offered an example that goes to Henry’s point. The reader withheld a tip “one time, many years ago, long before the pandemic, when a waitress was extremely rude when I said my pancakes were not fully cooked, and she told me I had to deal with it.”

“I don’t like to feel pressure to do something. I feel if I wanna do it, I will, and if I don’t, I won’t,” said St. Pete (Florida) Patch reader Roget. “It all depends. I’m not gonna pay for bad service. Good service is a whole other story.”

Roget recalled the time he didn’t tip.

“And I explained to the waiter that although he put the food down on the table, that was all he did; he never came to say, ‘How was it?’ Never brought more water. Never asked if we wanted more water; never did anything. Just put the food down on the table and begrudgingly to boot,” Roget said.

Liza, a Champaign Patch and Savoy Patch AM, both in Illinois, said she’s never failed to leave a tip for a server.

“I may not have got the best service, but give them the benefit of the doubt that maybe they were just having a very rough day,” Liza said.

Boston Patch reader Donna’s practice is the same. “I understand the reasons behind ‘poor service,’ and a lot of these are out of the server’s control,” she said.

‘Salary Is The Owner’s Job’

The custom of tipping dates back centuries, when a gratuity was offered as a simple thank-you, and has evolved into a controversial component of service industry compensation.

Saline (Michigan) Patch reader Richard said tipflation has gotten so bad that he is avoiding restaurants. On the rare occasion he does go out for a sit-down meal, he tips the wait staff 18 percent.

“I was at 20 percent, but I’m revolting against the idea of 20-plus percent,” Richard said. “After traveling extensively in Europe, my feeling is now, just pay the workers a living wage and reserve the tip for truly outstanding service.”

Richard said he has infrequently withheld tips for very poor service but added, “I have reduced tips for these credit card ‘convenience’ fees.”

Generally, when the service is poor, Arlington (Virginia) Patch reader Chris leaves a 10 percent tip. Once on vacation, Chris skipped the tip entirely.

“The food was fine, but the experience was terrible,” Chris said. “Interestingly, when I got my credit card bill, the restaurant had added what they determined was a fair tip.”

Chris limits tips to the wait staff.

“I feel businesses should pay a fair wage and not expect me to supplement the pay of employees doing the basic functions of the business, for example, cooks and the cashier, when I’m just picking up an order.”

Pablocito, a Virginia Patch reader, tips at restaurants “but would rather have higher food prices with no tipping alive.”

“A reasonable service fee works well in other countries.” Pablocito said. “Tipping based on the cost of a meal is unreasonable. The server at a high-cost restaurant is typically no better than a server at a low-cost restaurant but gets paid 10 times more.”

“Salary is the owner’s job,” said Dano, a Grayslake (Illinois) Patch reader. “Also, the optional surcharge for medical for staff is absurd. That is the owner’s responsibility, as are credit card fees.”

Dano added, “The restaurant association needs to go after the credit card companies about excess fees.”

Dee, a New Port Richey (Florida) Patch reader, said the pay scale of the worker involved guides her tipping. She also sometimes overtips.

“The tipping culture was designed for those making less than minimum wage, who rely on tips to balance out income,” Dee said. “I’ve listened to poor servers raving about receiving chump change tips from previous customers, and I’ve left them a larger-than-normal tip myself, with a little Jesus message.”

“For the life of me, I do not understand why companies that have tipped employees won’t just pay their employees what they are worth, just as any other job would,” said Crystal Lake-Cary (Illinois) Patch reader Becky. “It is not the responsibility of the customer to make sure the employee has a proper living wage.”

About The Question

The Question is an exclusive Patch series posing a broad array of questions on etiquette and what to do in certain situations — and readers provide the answers. If you have a topic you'd like for us to consider, email beth.dalbey@patch.com with “The Question” as the subject line.