Ask Dr. Mike: Managing Shark Fears on Family Vacation

by Dr. Michael Oberschneider

Dr. Mike,

We go to the Outer Banks every summer as a family, but our 7-year-old daughter is now freaked out by the reported shark attacks at the Outer Banks. Thanks to her older siblings teasing her about sharks, she says she is not going in the water at all! She’s even tearfully asked us to not go this year. My child has always loved the Outer Banks and jumping into the ocean but now all at once she has a shark phobia? How does that work? Any suggestions on how to help her get her over this? We really do not want to cancel our plans and lose our $$ or fun!!

Concerned Parents

Dear Concerned Parents,

Shark attacks are relatively rare with the possibility of a person being attacked by a shark being about 1 in 11.5 million. But with the six recent shark attacks on the Outer Banks many families are concerned. In my practice, a few parents have adjusted their plans (e.g., spending more money to rent a house with a pool) or even nixed the Outer Banks altogether to avoid the issue of sharks with their children.

Having a specific, exaggerated fear to a person, place, animal or thing as a young child is not unusual, and some common examples include: bad weather, dentists, planes and snakes. If an individual’s fear is irrational and extreme and is accompanied by a strong component of avoidance, the fear can become a phobia. With your daughter’s fear, however, the fear itself is not entirely irrational. While a shark has not attacked her directly, she is aware of sharks recently attacking and hurting other children and adults on the Outer Banks and near to where she will be staying.

To diminish your daughter’s fear, you will want to both educate and expose her to the stressor. Here are some ideas to consider sharing with your daughter to help her to gain a sense of control over her situation:

Sharks usually do not attack humans. To help your daughter with this idea you could watch educational videos on the topic on YouTube with her, or even take her to the National Aquarium in Baltimore to learn about sharks from actual shark experts.

When sharks do attack humans it is by accident. The belief being that sharks confuse humans for seals or other marine mammals or the attacks mistakenly occur when sharks are curious or are investigating us.

Your daughter should not swim alone since sharks are known to attack individuals.

Your daughter should not swim at night since sharks are known to feed and hunt at night and their visibility is also poor (i.e. they could confuse a human for a marine mammal).

Your daughter should not swim near to where people are fishing because sharks could confuse her with the bait in the water.

Your daughter should not wear bright or shiny clothing or jewelry that could attract sharks.

Your daughter should not swim in the ocean if she is bleeding.

I recommend that you go to the Outer Banks but that you manage your expectations of your daughter. Try not to get upset with her if she remains fearful of sharks while you are on vacation. Instead, accept where she is and do what you can to be sensitive to her concerns while also gradually exposing her to the idea that she is safe.

You might start by encouraging her to have fun in the sand and on the beach. You could also walk down the shoreline with her barefoot and ankle deep in the water. Perhaps you could rent a two person kayak with her to show her that being in the water is safe. By spending time on the beach and by having fun, your daughter will also see several other children and adults playing and swimming in the water, which should serve to ease her concerns.

The most important thing is that your daughter has fun and feels safe on her vacation. If she ultimately chooses not to swim in the ocean this year, then support that decision with patience and empathy. I am hopeful that your daughter’s fear of sharks will subside with your love and support and in time.

Dr. Michael Oberschneider is the founder and director of Ashburn Psychological and Psychiatric Services. Send questions to moberschneider@hotmail.com.