Marriage makes money more complicated.
I should have realized this when, as a newly engaged couple, we sat through our first budget meeting in an empty college classroom and talked though our money situation. The mere memory still makes me want to bang my head against that desk over and over.
For four years, these meetings consisted of us looking at spreadsheets, figuring out how I had messed things up, and trying to remember what in the world I had bought at Target for five dollars and thirteen cents.
Money is complicated. I hate crunching numbers and my husband lives by them. That alone makes for some colorful arguments. Money is also personal. Like most people, we have debt. We were young newlyweds who thought income would remain stable and cars would continue to work. We didn’t save.
It didn’t take long for my car to die and for us to buy the sorriest replacement ever built. Here’s a tip: never buy a car at night in the rain 12 hours before you need one from a guy who can’t get half of his stock to start. See? Stupid.
Daniel lost his job soon after and Nate had medical bills. We borrowed some money and moved in with his parents for a couple of months. Then, finally, he found a good job and we started to crawl out of the hole again. Daniel looked into getting a second job, but that week I was diagnosed with a brain tumor. When you're staring at things like that, money doesn't really matter anymore.
We didn't think about it for awhile, but things eventually calmed down.
Suddenly, our school debt was paid. We'd been paying a little bit every month for four years, no matter what, and there it was, done. I wanted to frame that letter that said “paid in full.” We had no student debt. I began learning more, figuring out the whole money thing. We found a budget that actually worked and used cash, which very visual me could stick to successfully.
Then we started paying another debt, then upping the monthly checks. And, we’re still doing that. It’s going to be a while.
There’s no great ending or fabulous arrival to this story. It’s just a tale of learning to act responsible and stick with it. Sometimes, we’re with it and other times we fail. I say no to myself more than I used to and often find that the chance to not buy something can be just as fun as buying it.
I’m beginning to see that money may not be all misery if I grow up a little.