Donna, Stamps, Sayings And Life

A friend, actually my former Weight Watchers leader wrote me the following after reading an article of mine on Cockeysville.Patch.com. She said “you don’t know how much I appreciate your kind words, whether they are in an email, or an article that you have written on the Patch. Just remember that what you say and write about have an effect. You are a champion as a writer, dancer and all around good person. Love from me Donna Weitz. Donna Weitz was a Weight Watchers leader for over thirty years and every lesson she conducted was one of competence, inspirational, encouraging and interesting. Of course, she followed the WW lecture theme that all of the leaders do; she gave it a most delightful manner and she put her whole personality with charm into your mind. During the week, if you felt you must or needed to ‘cheat’ a bit, you could hear Donna’s words telling you that once in a while that was OK and not to beat your mind up over that decision. When you lost weight, even a minimal four tenths of a pound, you were rewarded with a sticker that said Bravo and you were made to feel that you had accomplished a lot. True, you did, but her smile and accolades helped the situation to continue on to even better losses and no gains. People like Donna in whatever position they hold can make you feel good about yourself or they can try to denigrate you. When they put you down, possibly they get a ‘high’ and that makes them feel tall. Tall they are not; they are short in feelings, compassion, kindness and decency. It is easier to give a compliment than to speak a nasty phrase. When I go to certain doctor’s offices, the way you are greeted when you come in the door to the reception desk can make one feel fine or make you feel “wow, who wants to be here.” I once went to a specialty dentist where I was sent by my regular one to get his opinion. When you walked into the door, they greeted you with such acclaim, you felt like a celebrity. Then they offered you home baked chocolate chip cookies and a bottled water drink. I thought that quite odd, because when you come to a dentist, you really want to be there with nice and newly brushed teeth since they will be opening your mouth, of course, to view it. I said to the receptionist, no thanks, but you are encouraging people to eat something and especially sweets before the dentist sees you. She said we have new toothbrushes and water for you to clean your teeth before you see him. You can eat yours after you finish with him. Very interesting I thought. However, when I met the dentist, I found him to be very pleasant and nice and perhaps he had eaten a few chocolate chip cookies and that put him in an extremely smiling mode. Some doctor offices, the greeters as I call them are not very pleasant. They act like you are bothering them and that they wish you had gone home instead of coming to their office. Then I have a theory, that if the greeter or secretary is unpleasant, then the doctor or dentist will be that way too. Many people I have told this to agree with that assertion. When we had our pharmacy, Alameda Pharmacy on the Alameda street, everyone customer was greeted and said hello to even if they only came in to buy one postage stamp, which in those days were sold as singles or whatever the person wanted. It was done so as a courtesy to the customers. We knew our customers by their name and always asked them how their family was etc. It is a nice way to treat people and our customers responded in a positive way to us and us to them. Walmart known for having a greeter say hi as you came in the store. I think that they may have discontinued it a short time ago. When we were kids and went to the public library, Enoch Pratt Free Library, Branch 17 on West North Avenue in Baltimore City, the head librarian would greet you with her fingers to her mouth and saying sh sh meaning do not talk loudly. She took the rules too much to heart and you felt like you could not breathe in there and that she would stop that too. My dad use to say when someone asked him how he was, he would reply “fine thank you, how are you?” I have made it a new rule of mine, after I ask people how they are and they do not ask me how I am and that happens several times; I do not ask them again, because if they do not want to know how I am, why should I asks them. Politeness does not cost us anything and many times when I am walking down a long hallway of a medical building, someone will come the opposite way and say hi to me. My husband says do you know them and I say no, they are just being pleasant to an old lady and that is very nice. I was in a dental office yesterday and there was a young woman waiting for her fourteen year old daughter to come out from a cleaning teeth visit. With her, she had a little boy about four and a baby boy of seven months. She was a pretty looking young mother and we started to talk because the child was back there getting her work done and it was taking a bit longer. She told me she had six other children ranging in age from the fourteen year old that was there to the baby in her arms. She had five girls and four boys. That is a large family and they were getting ready soon to move to New Jersey where her husband hoped to obtain a job, he had interviewed for it. The two, the baby and the four year old were very well behaved, the baby did not whimper once; he was cute as could be. The four year old was playing quietly in the corner of the office reserved for little kids with some toys there for them. It was quite refreshing to see two kids so well behaved, calm and sweet. The older girl came out finally and helped the mom get the baby boy in the carry-on cart and they all departed smiling. We said goodbye and it was a joy to meet them. When we ballroom dance, we older and more seasoned dancers try to be exceptionally pleasant to the new folks. The new folks sometimes come and feel intimidated being there for the first few times and we try to present a smiling face to impress them with the kindness of us dancers. I remember the first time we went to a dance at the studio, there were some unpleasant people who when they came up to you and asked you to dance (man to me) would try to correct you on a step you did with them. Of course, you were new, they were experienced dancers and you were a bit timid. You really wanted to say no to them when asked to dance with them; you felt that impolite. He, in turn, thought wow, I will impress her with my knowledge. Yeah sure, he impressed me with his rudeness and lack of compassion for a new person doing a new thing at a new venue. After a while, the owner had been informed by others as to what he was doing and not only to perhaps me. She informed him to stop or he would be banned from attending any of her dance parties. He really deterred lots of potential women from coming alone to the dance without their spouse or partner and having to rely on a guy like him to have a dance partner. Many after his comments ceased to come for fear of being put down and they need not pay ten dollars to get in there to be admonished by a stranger. It is better to smile, be helpful, kind and even if it is in a dental office, a doctor’s office, a dance hall studio, a hallway, a pharmacy or wherever it is; to be nice. It does not have to cost you any money, you need not offer chocolate chip cookies, and you only need to put forth good will. I am going to a new dentist next week and the young lady on the phone was so nice, Erin, I know the 'event' of going to a new dentist will not be stressful. I will follow up with my thoughts next week on the visit. You will harvest the fruits of your behavior with a pleasant nod from the recipient and your soul will be replenished with the sweetness of it all. Mom always told us “it is better to say something nice, or say nothing at all.” That is a good rule to follow. As the saying goes “care deeply, speak kindly.” elita sohmer clayman Fairfax Station Patch