Gold Is Bright Tarnishing Is Dull Happy Father's Day

“All things are difficult before they become easy.” “Appearances are deceptive.” These are two diverse sayings, yet you can merge them almost into one. When difficult circumstances take over our life even if it is for a short period of time, appearances about them could be deceptive. I had a cousin who left his wife and two young children who were two and half years old and six months old. He and his wife were married very young and he seemed quite devoted to her. One day, they had a baby sitter take care of the two youngsters and she was a German lady and was nine years older than my cousin. She had a little boy. He use to pick her up for the baby sitting job and take her home afterwards. Somehow, they clicked and he fell in love with her and he left his wife and kids and married her after his divorce. He rarely saw his own two girls and they lived only about a mile away from his home with his new bride and stepson. His girls missed him so and he had no interest in his two children. His name was Marvin. The years passed and they grew up and got married and had children of their own. He did not see his grandchildren at all. He also adopted his wife’s son and gave him his last name. One day, many years later, he became ill with heart problems and wife number two dumped him and went to live in Canada. His two adult daughters came to see him while he was sick and they had a reunion of sorts. They still cared about him, even though he abandoned them and their mother for this older woman and her son. Our family could not comprehend what he had done and especially not caring at all for his two daughters. He did not give much income support. Another cousin worked downtown at the city finance section, where they audited the dead beat men who did not pay child support for their children. There were no computers in those days, so she made sure each month that his name was put on the top of the list and that money was taken from his paycheck, wherever he worked and it was sent to his first wife and children. We all knew the saga of our cousin and she helped to get some money into the hands of his deserving first wife. All things were difficult at first for her and one day she met a nice man and remarried and we were all happy for her. He was our cousin by blood, but all sympathies were directed to her. Her life became easier and we were grateful she found love again with a man who appreciated her and her daughters. Many times, we do not get what we deserve, but we persevere and continue on. A lady I know was left a widow with three teenagers. She needed some social time and took up ballroom dancing and one night at a social dance, she danced with a man named Robert and one thing led to another throughout the year and they decided to marry. He had never been married and he instantly became a step father and a step dad. The teens loved him and he embraced being a parent with great zest and love. He and his new wife then became dance partners and danced in many competitions and won many awards. When I was at a competition , I saw them and he was waiting to dance with his female teacher in several sections of the competition. By now, he is a senior and still looking very nice as a male competitor and it is called Pro-am meaning the teacher is the professional and he is the amateur. They won their divisions and it was nice to see him still enjoying the dance. The wife did not dance at this event and she was cheering him on from the side lines. Ballroom dancing has no age limits and that is very apparent when you attend a competition. They have groups of youngsters and then the ages go up to the late eighties. You should see these seniors dance and Fred Astaire would be proud of them if he was alive. Fred himself danced up to a very old age. I think it was until his eighties and when he was eighty-two, he was awarded a Lifetime Achievement Award for all of his many, many marvelous achievements in the dance world and in the acting community. They say that “all that glitters is not gold.” Also “that appearances are deceptive.” Cousin Marvin appeared to some as being a devoted husband and step father to wife number two. However, to wife number one, his daughters and to our family, he was not the devoted person he seemed to be. Robert on the other hand, came into a readymade family with three children who adored him as their new dad and he loved them and he inherited a wife, children and dancing. His life is still wonderful and now he has step grandchildren. So some things that glitter are gold and some appearances are still deceptive. If you have a choice, assume the glitter and the gold rather than selfish and inconsiderate actions like Cousin Marvin did to his wife and children. No one faulted him if he did not want to be married to her; they disliked him for his lack of caring about his own flesh and blood, two nice little girls. Gold is better as it glitters and deception and uncaring attitudes are surely a lifetime of non-shining actions. Bravo to Robert for being a fine and loving family man to someone else’s children who he made his own dear kids; and pity poor Marvin who should have lost the love of his daughters and actually did for all of their young years. He was luckier than he deserved when they came back and wanted him in their lives as adults. It was his deep loss for losing all the kid, teenage and early twenties of their lives which would have enriched his own life and when number two wife left him because he got sick and she did not want to bother with him or be bothered with him; he was quite a winner, because his children still cared about him, when he did not care for them. I would rather be ‘gold that glitters’ than have deceptive appearances for all those early years. His luck came to him when the daughters came to him in sickness and if I may appear to be a bit tough on him, he did not deserve their love. They turned out to be fine young women and he was the beneficiary of their belated knowing him. It was his loss for all those years and he was extremely fortunate in meeting them again. Robert on the other hand, found love with his wife and her kids who actually became his kids. So to all the fathers out there, cherish your children and grandchildren and know they hold you in high esteem and admire you for all you gave and did for them and what more could a parent ask for than those sentiments? Robert is a real dad, Marvin was not. Robert is the winner, not only in dancing, but in being a real father in all its meanings. Gold he is and is still sparkling and happy and he deserves all the love he receives from them. elita sohmer clayman Fairfax Station Patch