Illumination Of Gentle Words

“Work like you don’t need the money Love like you’ve never been hurt. Dance like no one is watching.” These are not my words, they are excellent advice. When we first started to dance in 1977, we only wanted to take our lessons in a small secluded room, because we did not want students coming in early for their lessons to watch and look at us. We wanted to be by ourselves with the teacher. We did that for over a year and finally the owner of the studio said we must come out to the main and larger room, so we could adjust to dancing, when other people were there. We fought against that and felt for our money, we should be able to do what we desired. One day, we did take a lesson in the big room. We felt so much better doing that and knew that finally we were accomplishing what was right as far as being able to socialize when we came to a regular dance and many others were dancing too at the same time. Dancing like no one is watching is not my motto. I like when people are watching and hopefully admiring us because we have worked so hard to excel in this hobby; it is nice to be put on a pedestal. When we first came out of the smaller room into the larger one, we were quite self-conscious. One day, a new person came in and sat in the side chairs and watched us with awe in her eyes. I was so happy to see someone who was appreciative of our dancing; I felt like a famous dancer A saying I saw online said “a timely word may level stress, a loving word may heal and bless.” The person watching us when we came from the smaller room gave us a timely word without saying anything. Just her look of enjoying our dancing made me feel wonderful and possibly blessed that I was doing something that I always wanted to attempt. Now, here was a stranger admiring us. We use to do that when we came there and sat and watched others taking a lesson and to us they were quite talented in dancing. I thought that someday, I will be like that couple if I try hard and work diligently at this hobby. It had happened and finally I was dancing and someone was gazing at us with the same esteem and regard, I had for others many years ago. So I exchanged places with the person looking at us and I became the person looked at. It was a nice feeling and really made me feel quite emotional, that I and we had come so far. Another saying is “go for someone who makes you smile because it takes only a smile to make a dark day seem bright.” Also it is said that “a careless word may kindle strife, a cruel word may wreck a life.” When my dad was ill in the hospital in 1964, the doctor came out and said this ugly thing to my mom and me. He said “there is good news and there is bad news. The good news is that it was not cancer and the bad news is that he just passed away.” What kind of idiot would say something like that? Only an evil, mean and thoughtless person and making it worse was that he was a medical person, a well-known surgeon. He was recognized then for his skill and also for not having a bedside or kind manner. If my brother had been there at that moment and heard that (he was getting us some coffee), he would have probably hit him for being so cruel. There is no need for someone, doctor, lawyer, regular people to try and wreck a situation that is already bad and sad by uttering words like that. A timely word could have leveled our stress and a more loving word would have helped the three of us to try and heal. Stay away from people that boost your stress if you can and live among people who uplift your heart, soul and care about you. It does not cost any money to be gentle when it is needed, to be kind when it is necessary or to be helpful when you can. People have written to me via the email manner of corresponding and they are almost in every state of our country; they say that I with my encouraging writings on ballroom dance and also on life in general have given them the impetus to try to dance, try to accomplish other sports and try to be happy. It does not cost me anything other than my time, my finger movements, my mind thoughts and my electricity to pen these ideas on improving a person’s life; if they want it changed. The doctor mentioned above had no regard for a family’s feelings; he was being as sterile and without emotion as he could be. I guess to him, a loss is part of his surgeon’s job and people come and go and to him one less life of a man of the age of seventy-two is no loss. Of course, it was not his family and so he with the reputation (perhaps he liked it that way) of being stiff, mean, heartless, but competent, though my Dad did pass on under his surgeon’s hands, did not care to temper his telling of the facts. As they say what goes around comes around and perhaps toward the end of his own life, he is gone now, maybe someone said something mean to him and he may have realized how contemptible and shameful he had been, no doubt to others many times. Many years later, I had to go to a surgeon for something to be checked out. As I walked to the door of the new office I was being seen at, there on the doorway, was his name. He was not practicing then, but they kept his name on the door for some reason. It could not have been for being sought out for his kindness, perhaps the new doctor thought he would get some of this one’s former patients. My heart gave a jump to see this man’s name. I could hardly open the door to go in. It still stimulated those sad words in me. I called my brother up on the phone and he felt the same way, hearing about this incident. Be the person who gives the loving word, the timely word, the appreciative word and most of all words to make someone smile and make a dark day seem brighter. You will feel illuminated and having been gentle to someone else will make you be a better person than the doctor. elita sohmer clayman Fairfax station, virginia More from Hunt Valley-Cockeysville