There are so many kinds of love; one can list them on a full sheet of a large page of paper. There is love of parents, love of your children,love of your husband or wife or love of a friend, love of a job, love of a hobby, love of a pet, love of a home, love of food, love of dancing, love of a sport and even love of yourself. There is a saying that if you do not care or love yourself; you cannot love anything else, because you will not know real love.
Mother Teresa said “if you judge people, you have no time to love them.” Plato said on love “at the touch of love, everyone becomes a poet.” To interpret those lines will make you a maven (expert) perhaps on the meaning of love to you. A professor in a theater class way back in 1968 when I went back to get a college degree told us “a critic is one who does nothing himself but criticizes others.” Theater and movie critics are fast to criticize the hard work of others who work in the acting field. An actor will tell you when he is successful that he is not an overnight triumphant and victorious sensation; that he worked twenty years to get where everyone finally hears and knows him. Mr.Paul Boxell mentioned above was very determined that we realized in this theater class at a local college, that not all criticism is valid and sometimes compliments are not valid either. He exposed us to both kinds and said we should get wise enough after his class was over in thirteen weeks of attendance to know what to take as good criticism to help us with whatever careers we choose and to eliminate the bad judgments, we may hear.
When we dance, we are subject to judges who judge us at competitions and these judges are not like Bruno, Len and Carrie Ann on Dancing with The Stars television show. Len is quick to say bad things and Bruno tries to say critical views but with a kinder twist and Carrie Ann is between both of the judges in her judging. She usually finds something kind to say and to encourage the amateurs to try harder and to believe they are doing their best for that show. The judges who see us at a competition say nothing to us, they write their remarks on a sheet of paper and the papers are gathered together for summing up as to who won which competition division. We can see these remarks and marks after the competition is over and they are usually posted on the competition site or mailed to you, if you want to see them.
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Love is like that too. We try to say kind and appreciative things to people we care about and I, for one never ever say anything mean to anyone. Even if someone is stupid enough to speak an untruth to me in the form of criticism, I speak back and say wait a minute what is your experience in the comment you just made? That seems to lighten the load of a smirk remark and I get the upper hand. It does not always work. I tried that in the story I related recently about the dentist and the dental assistant who was nasty to me for no apparent reason. She is the type that if you were nasty to her, she would cry prejudice. I have been told that she is also hateful and disagreeable to others in her workplace and bragged about how she talked to me and also talks to other employees about the various patients.
Actually, under the privacy act which we have now in this country, she should not be allowed to spout off about patients in the office. However, she must get away with it and it is up to the owner of the practice to enforce a rule of this not being done.
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Sylvester Stallone who played the underdog in the original Rocky movies of about thirty years ago said
“Love is absolute loyalty. People fade, looks fade but loyalty never fades.”
The other dental assistant who is a fine, lovely, devoted, compassionate and dear assistant to the patients and to me said a smart remark. She said “if a lawyer heard these remarks, he could probably have a case going.” Interesting comment and kind of true. People, who criticize others, as Mr. Boxell said at the theater class, also said “a critic is one who does nothing himself; he criticizes others for his vocation. He therefore is not productive and tries to shatter others’ productivity.”
A snippy and nasty dental assistant, a person you know, a teacher, a so called friend and even a family member is not qualified to be critics per se. They do not have the necessary experience in life to call others down, to lower a person’s ego, to be unpleasant in a business situation and even a doctor’s practice which is basically a business where services are given in exchange for payments. Life in a medical office or clinic or hospital is still an earning facility. Even though our health and living depends on these people, we should not be subject to their vile feelings and sayings. As Sylvester said there should be loyalty. When husbands and wives divorce, they really face hard times because their perception of each other and their non-loyalty now that they are apart of can be hard on the children who they created together. They need not love each other any longer, but they should have respect for their children and each other even though being apart now.
I know of someone who divorced and they still talked and behaved civilly when they saw each at one of their grandchildren’s parties or simchas (happy occasions.) He would say to me “gosh she got old looking and gray.” She would say to me “gosh he got heavy and his hair is going bald.” I would laugh to myself as to their opinionated observations of each other who they loved a lot for many years. I felt that at least they still talked to each other, where I know of other couples who do not even speak a Hi word to each after their nasty divorces.
So as Sylvester said that love is loyalty, we should still have some sort of loyalty whether it be to a patient in a doctor’s office, a relative who we have known since we were kids, a spouse who we have lived with many years, decades and celebrated many wedding anniversaries, people in a class we are taking at this age, children who we brought into this world in a loving manner, people whose businesses we frequent and they earn a salary because of folks like us, and just about everyone who is decent that we are involved with and we mingle with in all kinds of situations. As Mr. Boxell said so many years ago, critics are people who do nothing themselves but to criticize. It does not make you a smart or loving person to become a critic of any kind.
There are all kinds of love and they are decency, honor, politeness, happiness, accomplishments, health events, simchas in the family and even vacations of love. Painting a picture, knitting a sweater, dancing at a social dance, golfing, tennis, reading a book the regular way or now on Kindle or Nook, working on the computer, gardening, relaxing are all forms of love. I love writing these many articles for the Cockeysville Patch and trying to get my messages across about life now as a senior and life as a kid in the 1940’s and of course about ballroom dancing. Love is whatever you make it to be and loyalty is close behind it.
A young woman I know has a husband who works far away in this country on the west coast. She has a job here that she loves and has been working at for many years. He comes home in the summer for many months and then leaves again when his job resumes and she goes to visit him for about ten days when her job is closed for spring break. They meet and love again and are happy to have each other for the half of year they are probably together in their home and normal situation. That is what I call real love, to be parted for a time and then to resume no more separation for many months and then it starts over again. Their love sustains them for the months they are separated and continues on the time they are not divided. Then being together even becomes more sacred and happy.
Henry David Thoreau said “The remedy for love is to love more.” How true this is and we all should practice these values. Do not judge people as Mother Teresa said and as Plato said have a touch of love and become a poet, as Sylvester said that love is loyalty and not fading and finally as Thoreau proclaimed that love more.
Let us be vibrant, not fading, be loyal and not judge and to love more. Then we will have accomplished that by doing these things, we can truly love ourselves and we will be happy and we will be truly happy.