Back to School Drama

It would be an understatement to say that we had a rough back-to-school experience this year. It certainly didn't help that I had three children all starting brand new schools, so their anxiety level was high from that alone.

All three of my children have very different challenges.

One is a catastophizer. She can take the simplest situation and create complexity by imagining the worst. Her teachers would all hate her, none of the other kids would want to be her friend, the school work would be well beyond her ability so she would inevitably fail etc.

One needs no help. Everything is fine, it’s all under control. However, when I follow up with questions he doesn't have what he needs or even know what he needs. He would get defensive and come up with excuses.

One is trying to control. He is going to tell the teachers what to do and if anyone messes with him he’s going to show them who’s in charge. And if he doesn't like how things go, he’s going to walk out.

What is the need? Well each child has a different one. There is no cookie cutter solution. It just doesn't work that way- not with multiple children or different children.

With my daughter, it was a matter of helping her focus on one “crisis” at a time and lending a lot of support. Even with her homework, I had to get her to focus on one problem at a time instead of the entire worksheet or she would fall apart.

With one of my boys, it was building trust so that he could see me as a source of assistance. When he realizes he can ask and I don’t get angry or blame him for not knowing but help him figure it out, his level or responsibility increases and the excuses decline.

With the other boy, it’s a lot of preparation and “what if” role playing. He has a high need for control to feel safe so I try to find appropriate ways to give that to him. If we give him an option for walking out that is part of the plan, it helps him save face when he is overwhelmed. This allows him to recover more quickly and get back on task.

I utilize my own self-care plan to help me stay energized to meet all these different needs while still handling all my other responsibilities.

We’re about 7 weeks into school and I’m very happy to say that it’s getting easier. Now that doesn't mean that they all jump out of bed bright-eyed and bushy-tailed every day and it doesn't mean that we aren't dealing with challenges. But we’re managing and coping and that is definite progress from a rough start.