5 ways lists totally save me from a foolish life

According to superlative-adjective loving bloggers who realize that readers hone in on posts with numbers in the titles, I am a total danger to myself in the health department, and am so technologically inept that I live in a Stupidhome instead of a Smarthome. How I ever made it to my AARP and Medicare card-carrying age is a total mystery to me.

An article on money.msn.com has opened my eyes...and mind to the fact that, apparently, Tim and I live in a Stupidhome, and are continuing our inanity in the home we are building. Why?  Let me count the ways by explaining how we are not adhering to the author's “10 things not to buy in 2014,” list.

1. Cable TV. Currently we use Verizon and will continue to use a cable service that we find amenable to our viewing style in our new home.  Hulu and Netflix just aren’t  for us.
2. Landline Service. I do NOT care that 38% of the population is now wireless. Although we pay more for our choice, let’s see who is able to call our favorite air carrier to get us out of Dodge when a Sandy-like storm smacks us silly and all Internet/cell phone service is down for the count.
3. GPS Devices. Letting my fingers do the walking through Internet map sites has served me well. As far as our future life, the vehicle Tim is buying this summer, prior to our move to a new area, will have GPS. In regard to map apps? How can I read while I am driving?  Let's spell i-l-l-e-g-a-l and u-n-s-a-f-e. And I do not want Ms.  Creepy Android Voice to talk to me, either.
4. DVD-Bluray. We have to have this machine.  How else will we watch the five shopping bags worth of DVDs we own?  And, “No,” we don’t and never will own a game console that would provide this amenity.
5. Hotel Rooms. The article said that people are choosing to lease an apartment/home in their vacation setting.  That’s fine when we are beaching it, but when in Vegas- well, give me the Encore, Mirage or Bellagio. They make my bed daily and adorn my pillow with flowers (AM) and chocolate (PM).  Best of all, none of the rooms have a kitchen which might lead to me having to cook. Dining out rules on vacations.
6. Two-year Phone Contracts. I must agree with the writer that this is totally unnecessary. Like the article mentions, I can pay full price for a new phone and buy a much cheaper plan.
7. Desktops and Laptops. Although I spend my evenings surfing the Internet, reading and/or playing games on my IPad and Kindle Fire, I could never, ever-superlatively speaking-keep up with my writing, my websites and my blogs without my desktop and laptop. Most importantly, they do not have that hair-pulling, teeth-gnashing frustrating autocorrect that I cannot find how to TURN OFF!
8. Extra Legroom in Economy. I agree that this is wasted money when a very similar amount can guarantee me a Business class upgrade… and even more bucks gets me First Class- an unnecessary but vastly enjoyable nirvana-when the Amex card permits.
9. Credit Cards with Mile Programs. Never had them. Never want them.
10. Digital Cameras. Just this past Saturday, in preparation for our move, I cleaned out my office closet and found a perfectly lovely Sony Cyber-Shot 3.2. If I had found the directions, that would have been nice.

Through a few more lists, I have learned that I must purge my kitchen of a great many products because I am senseless in that department, too. From http://healthyliving.msn.com,  I learned- in certain superlative terms- that there are “12 foods to remove from your (my) fridge forever”. The parenthesis and italics are mine. Currently, my subversive fridge is guilty of 7 of these 12 infractions.

1. Butter
2. Diet Soda
3. Mayonnaise
4. Tonic Water
5. Apple and Cranberry Juice
6. Processed Cheese
7. Flavored Yogurt
8. Lunch Meat
9. Margarine
10. Whole Milk
11. Pickles
12. Ranch Dressing

From http://www.mydiet.com, here are “7 Foods You (I) Should Avoid At All Costs”. The parenthesis and italics are mine. In my defense, my kitchen never has, nor never will make a home for #3 and #7.

1. Coleslaw
2. Frosting
3. Packaged Sandwiches
4. Tomato Sauce for pasta and chili
5. Soy Sauce
6. Multigrain products
7. Artificial sweeteners.

Finally, once again from http://www.mydiet.com, but on a lighter note, here are “7 Healthy Foods That Turned Out to Be Unhealthy”. Phew!  Much to my relief, I have never fallen victim to the ads and articles espousing the wonders of #s 1, 2, 3, and 4.

1. Muesli
2. Banana Chops
3. Tuna Sushi
4. Energy Bars
5. Trail Mix
6. Prepared Salad
7. Reduced Fat Yogurts

Since The Stupids lurk just out of sight, waiting to catch me acting senselessly, let me thank these bloggers who look out for my well-being with my

6 ways lists always and forever keep me healthy, happy and connected

1. They make me realize that living a life of butter and sugar moderation- as I have done for 6 and a half decades- is not a reasonable choice because their Superlative and authoritative mindsets are forever so much smarter.
2. The nutrition lessons that I learned from my mother, who enjoyed a skim of real butter on her homemade multigrain toast that she ate with her twice-a-week egg and one slice of bacon right before she walked for 2 miles on her treadmill-at age 95 and a half mind you,  don’t mean a thing  because she was ingesting three taboo foods.
3. They made me realize that our current home and home-to-be might not be Smart, but are techno-enough for Tim and me.
4. They remind me that the lessons I taught the thousands of student writers who met me on the learning path about “NEVER using Superlatives because an exception ALWAYS exists” were correct. So was my repeated admonition about never using the second person you instead of the third plural because no one ever appreciates being told by someone, especially someone unknown to them, what to think or do as in the titles for the "12 foods to remove" and "7 foods to avoid" lists. WHOOPS. Excuse my Superlatives. Maybe some people don't mind mind control. 
5. When I read these online lists, I am exercising my critical thinking and reasoning skills, and at any age, that’s a good practice.
6. They make me giggle, and as the old proverb says, “Laughter is the best medicine.”

Oh my goodness, I have to go! An article just rolled across my Homepage from http://glo.msn.com/, “The thirteen worst decorating ideas of all time.” (Once again, the italics are mine).  And you all know that we are building a new home, which means decorating, so….

Until next week,

Connie

http://www.teachitwrite.blogspot.com/