Back to School with ITB

That Alice Cooper is such a liar. 

Students, I know you are asking that one important thing:  ‘Who in the heck is Alice Cooper?’  Fair question.

Thirty nine years ago, Alice Cooper had this top ten hit - a June anthem really - all about school being out forever.  Alice said his song was trying to capture the last three minutes of the school year.  It worked for me.

Anyway, as you know, Alice lied. School is definitely not out forever. 

With Labor Day in the rear view mirror, there will be more pencils.  There will be more books.  And, thanks to Governor Walker, there will be no shortage of teacher’s dirty looks.   School was not blown to pieces, Mr. Cooper – that boom was the explosion of Collective Bargaining.

Keep this mind: Politics and budget battles are not really what education is all about.  School is all about you kids, your teachers and what to do with all those carrots your mother packed in your lunch.  Honestly, is she getting a kickback from the Board of Beta Carotene?

Kids, your mission is simple:  Go out and prove yourself, fulfill your potential and determine your destiny.  While doing so, it is very important that you do not chew gum.

Destiny fulfillment is pretty scary stuff, right?  Fret not, you are not alone.  If you are going to any of the , you have a Village of people that sincerely care about you.  We want you to do well; we want to say glowing things about you – mostly behind your back.  You are not alone on this road – and the journey will definitely be a lot of fun.  Except for algebra.

You will also – without ever asking for it, or giving the slightest indication that you are looking for it – get lots of advice from old people. Here is proof:

The ITB Guide for K – 12 Students

Pre K Students:  Lift with your legs.  That back pack, of which you have every right to be very proud of, contains more stuff Columbus had on the Nina, Pinta AND the Santa Marie. You will get more on Columbus in October – watch the bulletin board.

Kindergarten Students: Sing loud.  Make that Holiday Pageant performance worthy of Grampa’s 90 minute recording.  Your voice is that of angels, and will be until mid-way through the 6^th Grade. Flaunt it while you still have it.

Grades 1 – 3:  Your gut feeling that your teacher is like the most amazing, smartest person that ever lived, is exactly right.  By the way, you really are as cute as people say you are – if anything, more.

Grades 4 – 6: Despite what adoring aunts have been telling you, you have not really grown a foot since their last visit.  If relatives keep going on about your growth spurts is it perfectly acceptable to ask them about their weight gains.

Grades 7 – 9:  Although everything indicates the opposite, these years are not any longer than previous or future years. You will get through Middle School and your Freshman year. No, really.  You will.  This period is all about simple survival.  It is not pretty, it is not easy, but you can do this.  Deep breath; now get back in the game.

Grades 10 – 11:  Having fun yet?  If you are not, it might be you.  Learn perspective, learn to laugh at yourself, and try everything… well, every legal thing.  Get messy, make mistakes, get on stage, get on the field, get on the court.  Try out, work out and learn to change your own oil.  By all means, do not miss a minute. Sleep is for the over forty crowd.

Grade 12:  See ‘Grades 10 -11” and multiply by 10… maybe 100.  Here is the Game Plan: Sunday night through Friday afternoon, work ridiculously hard. Friday and Saturday, just be ridiculous. Next year, if you schedule right, the fun can start on Thursday night. Work and then play – it is not that difficult. 

All Students:  Do not let the school year end without telling your teachers “thank you.”  And remember the snack rule – bring enough for everyone.

And to all Students, Parents, Tax Payers, Politicians:  Be true to your school.  Let your colors fly.