Hail, The Gangs All Here

The Wisconsin State Fair is over.  How can you tell?

This mob / gang activity was followed by the Milwaukee Journal Sentinel’s Eugene Kane’s very predictable ‘deflection’ article.  Apparently  - as Mr. Kane pointed out - we do not understand these marauding mobs.  Plus, white folks have done some pretty nasty stuff, too. 

Absolutely.  ‘Idiotic’ and ‘unacceptable’ are equal opportunity behaviors. We all have reason to blush.

It makes you wonder who in their right mind would join a gang or be part of a mob.  Well, me.

Those that really know me are familiar with my desire – and failure – to join a gang.  I like the social aspect -- as well as the synchronized dance moves of both the Jets and the Sharks.

But alas, gangs are not the easiest things to join.  The application process is numbing; their standards are stringent.  Bloods, Crips, Poms – no one will have me.

It is not like I do not have anything to offer.  I bring fresh ideas to the table. However, the Outlaws were resistant to the notion of a Bake Sale - over drug selling - as a fund-raiser.   Apparently this type of ‘outside the box’ thinking is not encouraged. ‘It is just not the way we do things, Michael’ is what I heard time and again.

And it is ‘Big Mike’, not “Michael’, thank you very much.

Part of the problem is me, there is no denying this. My glock is a fake.  I get blisters if I hold it sideways. My tattoos are homemade, amateurish and done with washable Sharpie. My flashing of gang signs always results in the hailing an unwanted cab. I have impeccable personal hygiene. The closest thing I have to a Harley is a ’99 Saturn.

All strikes against me according to the New Member Committees of all your major gangs. So, clearly, part of the problem is me.

But part of the problem is you, Greendale.

Being from the Garden Community just does not give much street cred.  I cringe during this part of the gang interview.

Sure, in Greendale we have Flash Mobs – who gather to pull out the invasive mustard plants at Whitnall Park.  We hear the word ‘hood’ and we think of the thing over the oven.  “Taking it to the streets” in Greendale just means getting your 5K in before work.

How can my gang candidacy be taken seriously when all our Biker Gangs ride Treks and wear ridiculous shorts?  How does it look when I have to name the as our most notorious group of thugs?   The “mean streets” of Greendale refers to a mathematical average – usually in conjunction with the ‘mode’ and ‘medium’ streets of Greendale.

In Greendale, ‘tagging’ is – almost without exception -- followed by two words: “You’re it!”  Which is followed by giggling. Real gangs hate giggling. Geez, Greendale.

Greendale is just not the breeding ground of vile Gang Activity.

Our streets are safe.  Our schools are world class.  Sure, our parks are completely lacking – of glass shards.  Inside the Bubble of Greendale, our kids are way too busy with Twi-Nite Baseball, tennis, swimming, dance, to even think gang affiliation and developing a mob mentality.

In Greendale, we care about each other; we carry one another.   Lean on me and let me lean on you.

So wait... Now that I give it some thought, it is like we all members of a fraternity – sisters and brothers - like members of a real nice gang. 

Count me in.