Finding One-on-One Time for Kids

Homes are extra full with children now that school is out, making one-on-one time with each child perhaps a bit harder to pull off. 

But finding the time is worth it, our Moms Council said.

"On the days when one-on-one time doesn't happen, I see my kids acting out more," said Tracy Mills.

Our Moms Council pointed out that it doesn't have to be an elaborate affair.

"Snuggling on the couch or throwing the ball in the back yard can go a long way," said Kendra Galordi Frautnick.

Nor does one-on-one time have to be planned.

"Opportunities arise when one child has an activity like a birthday party or a class to attend," said Amanda Sanders. "When these chunks of time come up, we try to take advantage of them. We often treat whichever girl is left home with us to special activities of her choice, perhaps a dinner out to a restaurant that her sister doesn’t like, or going to get frozen yogurt."

Experts recomment 20+ minutes and a lot of listening

A quick survey of stories and blog posts on the Internet revealed that the observations above by our Moms Council are in sync with the quoted experts.

The general consensus is that one-on-one time makes children calmer and happier, especially if they are children with unusually short attention spans. The recommendation ranged from 20 to 30 minutes a day per child to a minimum of once a month. Key point: Keep it low-key. This is not the time to teach them the alphabet or help them practice their Mandarin or Spanish lessons.

In fact, listening to your child (or at least being ready to) is one of the most important elements of one-on-one time, experts said.

Here are a couple of articles that seemed particularly on-target:

• Build Self Esteem in Your Child
• The Importance of One-on-One Time

Let's hear more from our Moms Council about how it works in their homes:

Tracy Mills

I have three young kids and really am trying to make sure to give each one their one-on-one time.

While my oldest is in school, I can spend time with my son while my baby sleeps. For my oldest daughter, we normally play a game or do crafts while my other two nap in the afternoon. 

Amanda Sanders

I try not to worry about having set one-on-one time slots as together we have a good amount of quality family time.

We eat dinner together almost every night, we talk with each other, and do lots of activities together. With all of that combined, they hopefully know how special they are to their mom and dad.

Kendra Galordi Frautnick

I always had big dreams of weekly one-on-one time with each kid, after seeing a mother I once knew who always made the time to spend with each of her children.

She was a stay-at-home mom who hired a nanny to watch the other two kids and rotated each day, so that she had one-on-one time once a week with each kid, then a day to herself and three days with everyone. 

It seemed so easy to me at the time. And then I had kids, a divorce, became a single working mom, then remarried and gained a stepson as well.  

This topic is a good one, as it is a reminder to nurture each of our children and just spend some good 'ol one-on-one time together!