Meet Cathy Cares. Cathy is a Mom and it’s become the hardest ‘job’ she’s ever had. Cathy tries to do everything ‘right’. Cathy knows children are vulnerable and she is vigilant. She s most vigilant about how she herself manages everyday challenges like bedtime, time to clean up toys, etc. Her husband cannot know what Cathy will thinks is the best way to handle these things but he does indeed respect Cathy’s efforts. He defers to her judgment.
Cathy does not trust her intuition. She reads parenting books voraciously. She is very frustrated to find parenting books contradicting one another.
Cathy: Carrie doesn’t listen anymore.
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Diane: Might she need a hearing test?
Cathy: No, no! She just doesn’t listen. I tell her she has to be nice to everybody but she just doesn’t listen.
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Diane: Perhaps you mean, she seems not to understand what you mean.
Cathy: I’ve told her and told her. You have to be nice to everybody. I can’t be any clearer.
Diane: Perhaps she doesn’t agree.
Cathy: What do you mean?
Diane: Well she’s out in the rough and tumble world of elementary school and perhaps it seems to her there might be exceptions to that rule. Is she nice most of the time?
Cathy: Well, yes. She’s very nice and polite. We’ve taught her to be.
Diane: Maybe on occasion, some other child is not nice do her. Do you suppose that happens to her sometimes?
Cathy: Oh yes, let me tell you, Paulie is a very nasty little girl.
Diane: Tell me about Paulie.
Cathy: She picks on Heather all the time and she had a party and invited every girl except Heather. I felt so bad for her. I told Carrie, she better be nice to Paulie or the same thing might happen to her.
Diane: Getting dropped by Paulie might not be such a bad thing.
Diane: It may be that by getting a bit tough with Paulie, Carrie is in her way setting some limits.
Cathy: You think?
Diane: Well, it seems she’s not afraid of Paulie. If she and one or another girl get a little tough on Paulie, maybe she’ll mind her manners.
Cathy: Maybe.
Diane: Let’s keep an eye on the situation. Maybe without even realizing it, Carrie is sticking up for Heather.
Cathy: Well, she asked if she could bring Heather to Fun Day on Saturday.
Diane: It seems you have a very nice little girl there and she can get tough if she has to. Interestingly, at her age, she has to be doing it intuitively.
Cathy: What do you mean?
Diane: Well she’s too young to really comprehend complex social dynamics but she’s intuitively handling them very well.
Written by Dr. Diane Kern, Owner of Phenomenal Mind Studios. Classes offered in Walnut Creek begin Nov. 7th. See www.phenomenalmind.com.
