Politics & Government
Comey Tells Sessions Don't Leave Me Alone with Trump
A satirical look at current events!
Comey Tells Sessions Don't Leave Me Alone with Trump: The New York Times is reporting that former FBI Director James Comey asked Attorney General Jeff Sessions not to leave him alone with President Donald Trump. What’s the big deal? I’m sure Melania makes the same request almost every evening.
Morocco Fossils Push Humanity Back 100,000 Years: Paleoanthropologists say bones of early modern humans found inside a cave in Morocco have pushed back the date to which we define humanity by at least 100,000 years. Great, just what we need! The Trump administration is already trying to push humanity back into the middle ages and now this? Wonder what they’re calling these fossils anyway - “Homo-Covfefe?”
Find out what's happening in Malibufor free with the latest updates from Patch.
Last Typewriter Rolls Off the Assembly Line in UK: The last typewriter has just rolled of the assembly line and is headed to London's Science Museum. Great! Now what am I supposed to do with all that white out I just bought? It sure doesn’t seem to work very well on my laptop.
Angry Peacock Trashes Liquor Store in LA Area: A visibly angry peacock (peahen) suddenly entered a liquor store in Arcadia, California and then refused to leave until Animal Control officers were called, but not before destroying scores of liquor bottles and other items within the store. Wildlife officials say luckily no one was hurt, but the peacock did make off with several bottles of Grey Goose, Old Crow and Wild Turkey.
Find out what's happening in Malibufor free with the latest updates from Patch.
Trump Suggests Border Wall Could Have Solar Panels: In a meeting with congressional leaders, President Trump suggested his oft-promised border wall might be covered in solar panels as a way to pay for it. Critics are calling the plan one of the craziest ideas under the sun.
Study Casts Doubt on Feathered and Fluffy T. rex: Researchers say that despite evidence that many of its ancestors were covered in feathers, fossil evidence indicated that Tyrannosaurus rex most likely had scaly skin. Why can’t it be both? Hell, I’ve dated people who were covered with feathers, but yet had a scaly skin.
Angry Peacock Trashes Liquor Store in LA Area: A visibly angry peacock (peahen) suddenly entered a liquor store in Arcadia, California and then refused to leave until Animal Control officers were called, but not before destroying scores of liquor bottles and other items within the store. Wildlife officials say luckily no one was hurt, but the peacock did make off with several bottles of Grey Goose, Old Crow and Wild Turkey.
Morocco Fossils Push Humanity Back 100,000 Years: Paleoanthropologists say bones of early modern humans found inside a cave in Morocco have pushed back the date to which we define humanity by at least 100,000 years. Great, just what we need! The Trump administration is already trying to push humanity back into the middle ages and now this? Wonder what they’re calling these fossils anyway - “Homo-Covfefe?”
American Average Bra Size Jumps From 34B to 34DD: According to a new survey, the average bra size in the US has jumped from a 34B to a 34DD in the past 20 years. Wow, who says America’s best days are behind her? One thing’s for sure, this should definitely give the U.S. a distinct advantage in the “America’s Cup” competition.
Jim Bakker Claims Removing Trump Violates God’s Will: Televangelist Jim Bakker says the people who want to see Donald Trump removed from office are trying to undermine the work God did for America in the last presidential election. Well, if God is responsible for getting Trump elected, I’m pretty sure that must mean Vladimir Putin is God. Who knew? But even if he’s not, my question is - what kind of God is Bakker worshiping when the best he can come up with is Donald Trump? God must be having a hard time finding good help these days.
Keith Richards to Write Children’s Book: Many don’t realize that Rolling Stones guitarist Keith Richards is not only a music legend, but he also has written a popular children’s book. Really, wonder what its about? Jack and Jill went up the hill to fetch a gram of heroin and a pack of cigarettes?
Woman Deliveries Baby in a Barnes & Noble Lobby: A woman has delivered a healthy baby boy inside the lobby of a Los Angeles-area Barnes & Noble bookstore. Guess she wasn't aware that Amazon Prime has free, same-day delivery. One thing’s for certain, this kid’s life will be like an open book. And you can just bet that one day his mom will be yelling at him to “Close the door! What's the matter with you, were you born in a Barnes?”
