Politics & Government
Cruz Campaign Pulls Ad Featuring Softcore Porn Actress
A satirical look at current events!
Cruz Campaign Pulls Ad Featuring Softcore Porn Actress: Sen. Ted Cruz’s campaign had to pull a TV ad after it discovered that one of the key lines in the candidate’s ad had been delivered by a “softcore porn” actress named Amy Lindsay. Of course had she been used in a Hillary ad, it would have been followed by a message saying “I’m Bill Clinton and I approve this message.” The irony is that had she actually been a hardcore instead of softcore porn actress, someone from the Cruz campaign would have instantly recognized her.
Depression Linked to Genes Inherited from Neanderthals: After a massive study linking tens of thousands of modern people’s medical records to their genetic histories, certain genes some humans inherited from Neanderthals have been linked to serious psychiatric disorders such as depression. I get the link between Neanderthal genes and depression. Hell, about the only person I can think of who wouldn’t be depressed about having Neanderthal genes would be Donald Trump.
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Last Year Was Warmest Year on Record: The World Meteorological Organization says last year was the warmest year since record-keeping began in 1850. You bet it was hot! Why I noticed that even people on the internet seemed to be taking off all their clothes.
More Women Buried At Stonehenge Than Men: Archaeologists say they’ve uncovered the remains of more women than men buried at the iconic prehistoric monument of Stonehenge, suggesting a gender-equal society thousands of years ago. Researchers caution that this only “suggests” Stonehenge was a gender-equal society, and that nothing is written in stone.
Find out what's happening in Malibufor free with the latest updates from Patch.
Study Finds Fitness Prevents Brain Shrinkage: A new study found that being out of shape and not exercising can lead to some serious ramifications later in life, such as brain shrinkage. I suppose if there’s anything positive in this study, its that at least it isn’t penis shrinkage.
Man Runs Off with 50 Pounds of Meat: Montclair, California police are searching for a man who ran off with 50 pounds of marinated meat from a small, local meat market. Police say they plan to beef-up their patrols and steak-out the market to prevent further thefts.
Antipsychotic Drug Sales on the Rise: A new report says that the top-selling pharmaceuticals in America these days are the antipsychotic drugs which help prevent hallucinations. This of course is in dramatic contrast to back in the 60’s, when everyone was buying drugs because they wanted to hallucinate.
