GOP Senator Suggests Brain Tumor Contributed to McCain’s No Vote

GOP Senator Suggests Brain Tumor Contributed to McCain’s No Vote: Republican Sen. Ron Johnson is suggesting that Sen John McCain’s vote against the “skinny repeal” of Obamacare last month may have been because McCain’s brain tumor affected his judgment. When I first saw this story, I thought perhaps its the good senator and not McCain who’s the one with the head injury, or maybe he just does all his thinking with his Johnson. But now that I think about it, Sen Johnson may just be on to something. I mean, if I had a brain tumor, I’d probably think twice about voting to cut off everyone’s health insurance too.

Scientists Say Engraved Bones Evidence of Cannibalistic Rituals: Engraved bones unearthed in a Somerset cave have revealed new evidence of macabre cannibalistic rituals carried out by early humans 15,000 years ago in Britain. No surprise there, the British have never been known for making the best food choices. That said, there always does seem to be that one family of crazy cannibals that ruins a nice cave dwelling for all the other tool making homo sapiens in the area.

Wi-Fi Signals May One Day Be Used to Tell If You’re Dreaming: Researchers from MIT have developed a wireless, artificially intelligent (WiFi) sensor that can detect the various stages of sleep, including rapid eye movement - the sleep stage associated with dreaming. Terrific, so I suppose this means they’ll soon be broadcasting commercials directly into our dreams - “we now take a brief pause from your nightmare, for a word from our sponsor.”

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Eric Bolling Tweets Response to Suspension on Sex-Harassment: Fox News host and contributor Eric Bolling tweeted his appreciation to those who’ve supported him after he was suspended from Fox for sexting and harassing female colleagues. A grateful Bolling tweeted “Overwhelmed by all the support I have received. Thank you. Look forward to sending each and every one of you a close-up pic of my junk asap.”

Pot Worth $85 Million Found Near Campgrounds on Federal Land: Authorities said they have eradicated more than 27,000 marijuana plants in the past week with a potential street value of about $85 million on U.S. Forest Service land in Santa Barbara County. All I can say is, I've obviously been going to the wrong campgrounds. All I ever seem to find are empty beer cans and used condoms.

Ohio State Scientists Find New Way to Heal Wounds: Scientists at Ohio State University say they’ve developed a new method called Tissue Nanotransfection (TNT) for healing wounds which involves placing a small chip about the size of a cuff link onto the site of a wound which reprograms the cell’s DNA or RNA - therefore promoting healing. Excellent idea! I mean, why settle for a lousy band-aid when there's a $10,000 medical procedure available?

Pence Strongly Denies Shadow 2020 Presidential Bid: Vice President Mike Pence is calling a New York Times report that says he’s quietly laying the groundwork for a possible presidential run in 2020 "laughable and absurd.” Guess that may explain why Trump’s been feeling a bit “pensive” lately. But come on, this story is just plain nonsense. Everyone knows Pence will be President by 2018. Fun Fact - Pence will become our first President since the 19th century who actually believes that it’s the storks who deliver babies.

Trump Spokesperson Wants No Non-English Speakers: Former Trump campaign spokesperson Katrina Pierson lashed out at CNN correspondent Jim Acosta who questioned White House policy that aims to prohibit non-English speaking legal immigrants, saying that she finds it “unfortunate that Jim Acosta would want non-English speakers to come to this country.” Well then, perhaps Republicans should focus on teaching Trump how to speak English - even though he has all the best words - they certainly aren’t English (bigly, covfefe, braggadocio, yuge).

New Pics Emerge of Shirtless Putin on Vacation: Just as President Trump is about to head off on a 17-day vacation, pictures are emerging of Russian President Vladimir Putin diving, fishing and sun bathing shirtless, while on vacation in Siberia. Looking at these Putin pics makes me think that our President needs to be Putin more time in the gym.

Black Widow Spiders Being Edged Out By Rival: A new study suggests that brown widow spiders appear to be taking over habitats once dominated by the feared black widow spider. Further adding to the controversy, some wildlife biologists believe the brown widows may not actually be widows at all, but simply divorced.

Cannabis Producer Buys Entire California Town: An Arizona cannabis producer called American Green has purchased the entire town of Nipton, California, for $5 million with plans to create a new cannabis tourism venture. Critics of the plan argue that the price is way too high and the idea of creating a tourist mecca around marijuana is nothing but a “pipe dream.” I don’t know about that, but one thing’s for sure - it wouldn’t take much for their whole investment to go up in smoke.

A Close Mountain Encounter With a Timber Wolf: I was out hiking in the Santa Monica mountains earlier today when I came upon what I thought was a very large coyote down by the creek. As I got closer, I could see it wasn’t a coyote at all, but a wolf - perhaps a timber wolf. Then, as I approached even closer, I could see that while it was indeed a wolf - it was not a timber wolf - I knew this because it wasn’t real timber. Turned out, it was just a laminate wolf. Come on, what the hell do you expect - this is LA.

Study Finds Mediterranean Diet Only Works If You’re Rich: According to a new study, the so-called “Mediterranean diet” - rich in fruits, vegetables, fish and whole grains and world-famous for being heart-healthy, only seems to provide cardiovascular advantages to the wealthy and highly educated. In response, Secretary of Education Betsy DeVos is urging all America’s young people who wish to live healthy lives to study hard, attend only the most prestigious schools and accept only the best paying jobs society has to offer.

First Human Embryo Editing Corrects Gene for Heart Condition: Scientists have successfully edited the DNA of human embryos to erase an inherited heart condition known for causing sudden death in young competitive athletes - opening up the possibility of eliminating many inherited and deadly diseases, but also opening up the doors to a controversial new era in medicine. In related news, the Trump Administration announced it has asked Attorney General Sessions to look into the possibility of bringing up the scientists on charges of witchcraft.

http://www.johnnyrobish.com

Secret Service Leaves Trump Tower After Feud Over Lease: According to the reports, the Secret Service who are tasked with guarding the President, has vacated their post at Trump Tower in Manhattan after President Trump clashed with the organization “over the terms of a lease for the space they were occupying in the building.” Gee, one would assume a “real” billionaire would comp the rent - given that its for protecting he and his family. Guess instead of taking that proverbial bullet for the President, the Secret Service has decided to take a bullet train the hell out of there. Just as well, maybe the Russians just needed the space anyway.

Dunkin’ Donuts May Drop Donuts From Their Name: Locked in a battle with coffeehouse giant Starbucks and people seeking healthier choices, iconic Dunkin’ Donuts is considering dropping “donuts” from their name and becoming simply “Dunkin’.” Really, then what the hell are we supposed to be dunkin’?

Fox News’ Eric Bolling Reportedly Sent Penis Pictures: The Huffington Post is reporting that Fox News host Eric Bolling sexted pictures of male genitalia to at least three female colleagues. Gee, I’ve heard of butt failing, but not dick dialing. Ironically, those who’ve seen the pics described it as looking somewhat like a man’s penis, only much smaller. Now the question remains, could this possibly be the “Bolling Green Massacre” Kellyanne Conway was referring to some time ago?