Kanye Meets With Trump at Trump Tower: With an entourage and videographer accompanying him, Kanye West had a meeting with President-elect Donald Trump in Trump Tower. Kanye in Trump Tower? Gee, the poor guy just seems to be moving from one mental institution to another.
Famous Anti-Choking Doctor Henry Heimlich Dead at 96: Dr. Henry J. Heimlich, the surgeon who developed and crusaded for the anti-choking technique that has been credited with saving an estimated 100,000 lives, has died in Cincinnati at age 96. As might be expected, many of those 100,000 people he saved say the news of his death has them really choked-up. Now, the question is - how many of them would actually be willing to cough-up a few bucks to help pay for the funeral.
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Merriam-Webster Says 2016 Word of the Year is Surreal: Merriam-Webster Dictionary announced that it’s official word of the year for 2016 is “surreal”, which the dictionary defines as “marked by the intensity of a dream.” Yea, and why do I have the feeling next year’s word is gonna be “apocalyptic?” Meanwhile, angry Trump supporters are asking “who the hell is Miriam Webster and why should we even care what she thinks?”
Physicists Build Small Radio the Size of Two Atoms: Physicists at Harvard say they have built a radio receiver capable of playing music, which is the size of just two atoms. Ah gee, and just in time for Christmas too. Sounds like the perfect gift for all the bacteria lurking around on my bathroom fixtures.
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NY Man Sentenced in X-ray Weapon Plot to Kill Muslims: A New York industrial mechanic, convicted of attempting to produce a mobile X-ray device intended to kill Muslims, has been sentenced in federal court to 30 years in prison. Personally, I’d be more afraid of getting a bill for X-rays than the X-rays themselves.
Our Sun’s Twin Star May Have Eaten Two Planets: Scientists say HIP68468, a twin star to our sun and about 300 light-years away, appears to have swallowed one or more of its planets. Good grief, our sun’s twin ate two planets? All I can say is, let’s hope our sun doesn’t decide to invite the twin over for Christmas dinner.
Crocodile Takes Australian Man as Friends Watch: A 24-year-old man was snatched and killed by a crocodile in front of friends as he tried to swim across a river near the Australian town of Darwin, ignoring posted warnings everywhere regarding the crocodile danger. I suppose it's only fitting something like this would happen near a town named “Darwin.”
Report Claims Putin Involved in Hack and Email Release: Two senior officials with direct access to the information say new intelligence shows that Russian President Vladimir Putin personally directed how hacked material from Democrats was leaked and otherwise used. After reading the report, the Clinton Campaign immediately issued a statement saying “you’re darned tootin it was Putin.”
Adultery Website Ashley Madison Agrees to Pay $1.6M Fine: The Toronto-based parent company of the adultery dating site Ashley Madison has agreed to pay $1.6 million in settlements following a FTC investigation that found the site’s lax security exposed millions of members data and created fake female profiles to attract more male customers. I dated one of the fake female profiles for a while and everything was going really well until her damn imaginary husband found out.
Trump Picks Rick Perry as Energy Secretary: Donald Trump has reportedly picked former Texas Gov. and Dancing With the Stars contestant Rick Perry as the nation’s next Secretary of Energy. Perry said he sees his top priority as energy secretary to make absolutely certain that beverages like Monster and Red Bull are readily available for all who can afford them.
NFL Silent About New Case of Under-Inflated Footballs: The New York Giants say they tested the air pressure in two footballs they captured during their recent game against the Pittsburgh Steelers and reported them to league officials as being below the permissible range of 12.5 PSI. Geez, if this deflated air situation gets any worse up, the NFL is gonna need to replace all the referees with physicists. Where’s Neil deGrasse Tyson when you need him? Meanwhile, Giants’ fans are demanding it’s time to clear the air - wondering if the NFL really has the “balls” to go after the Steelers. Personally, I don’t think the NFL is trying to protect the Steelers, I just think its too much of a hassle to try and spell a name like Roethlisberger on an indictment.
Retired Doctor Unearths Lost Da Vinci Drawing Worth $16 Million: A French auction house announced the discovery of what is believed to be a long-lost drawing of Saint Sebastian by Italian Renaissance master Leonardo da Vinci, which was discovered by a retired doctor and is valued at nearly $16 million. Sources say the doctor was philosophical about finding the sketch, chalking it all up to the “luck of the draw.”
Trump Names Exxon CEO Tillerson as Secretary of State: President-elect Donald J. Trump has decided upon Exxon Mobile chief executive Rex Tillerson to be the next secretary of state, dismissing bipartisan concerns that the globe-trotting CEO has forged too-cozy a relationship with Vladimir V. Putin. In fact, when asked if he enjoys a really close relationship with the Russians, Tillerson responded “you’re darned Putin I do.” My question for him would be, because his name is “Rex Tillerson,” should we call him T-Rex for short?
FBI Agrees With CIA on Russia Helping Trump Win White House: Despite Trump campaign claims to the contrary, both FBI Director James B. Comey and Director of National Intelligence James R. Clapper Jr. are in agreement with a CIA assessment that Russia intervened in the 2016 election in part to help Donald Trump win the White House. Hell, sounds like Sarah Palin may have been right after all when she said she could see Russia from her front porch.
Astronomers Discover Planet Made Largely of Diamond: Scientists have discovered an alien planet named “55 Cancri E,” who’s mass is thought to be at least one third pure diamond. In related news, the Kardashians announced they’ve decided to become astronauts.
