Sarah Palin’s Name Mentioned as Canadian Ambassador

Sarah Palin’s Name Mentioned as Canadian Ambassador: Canadians have been going crazy on Twitter after White House Press Secretary Sean Spicer refused to discount the rumors that Sarah Palin is being considered as the next US Ambassador to Canada. Geez, does the Trump Administration have any clue what a move like this could mean to US-Canadian diplomacy? It means that the most polite people in the entire world will soon be giving us the finger! On the other hand, some Americans counter that this is exactly what Canada deserves for sending us Justin Bieber. Meanwhile, rumor has it that the Canadians are in super-secret negotiations to try and convince the Americans to appoint Tina Fey instead.

Florida Golfer Uses Putter to Escape Alligator’s Grasp: A Florida golfer was able to use his putter to escape from an alligator who had grabbed him by the ankle and pulled him waist-deep into the water. Wow, talk about a tough course with a vicious water hazard! That 17th hole is a real killer. Despite the happy ending, the rules committee penalized the guy two strokes for both whacks he unleashed on the gator.

Irish County Approves Drunk Driving Permits: The Kerry County Council in southwest Ireland has passed a controversial measure allowing special permits for driving in sparsely populated areas while intoxicated. Good grief, some communities will do almost anything to attract Hollywood celebrities. I guess only the Irish could come up with the concept of a “designated drunk driver.”

http://www.johnnyrobish.com

Trump Translation Device Not On for Japan PM's Speech: White House deputy press secretary Sarah Huckabee Sanders admitted President Trump was not wearing a translation earpiece as he laughed, nodded and appeared to be listening intently during remarks from Japanese Prime Minister Shinzo Abe. No big deal! Hell, its doubtful Trump would have understood anything anyway, even if Abe was speaking in English. Not to mention, that after about a paragraph or two, Trump’s attention span could probably be found wandering off somewhere just north of the Yucatán Peninsula.

Woman's Headache Caused By Live Cockroach in Her Skull: A 42-year-old woman in Chennai, India woke up one night with labored breathing, itching and a severe headache and checked into the Ear, Nose, Throat Department at Stanley Medical College only to discover that a 1-inch long cockroach had penetrated her skull. Realizing the seriousness of the situation, doctors put their medical training right to work and pasted a “Roach Motel” to her forehead.

Ford Bets $1 Billion on Self-Driving Car: Ford is betting $1 billion on the world's self-driving car future through a majority investment in a small start-up company called Argo AI as it tries to win the high-stakes talent war in the emerging self-driving car industry. Makes sense! Hell, when no one wants to buy your cars, you may as well focus on self-driving cars.

Ikea Under Fire for Treatment of Workers: Workers at Ikea’s US plant are criticizing the company for racial bias, an anti-union stance, forced overtime and paying extremely low wages. Gee, sounds like Ikea is even cheaper than the furniture they sell.

Army to Allow Completion of Dakota Access Oil Pipeline: With the new Trump administration in place, the Army just announced it will allow the $3.8 billion Dakota Access oil pipeline to cross under a Missouri River reservoir in North Dakota, clearing the way for completion of the disputed four-state project. In related news, its being reported that President Trump is also negotiating another pipeline which would run from the U.S. Treasury directly into one of his offshore bank accounts.

Wind Turbine Blades May One Day Be Made of Vegetables: Researchers are searching for recyclable materials that could be used to manufacture wind turbine blades, including blades which are made out of vegetable sources. Scientists say that if they’re successful, even vegetarians would be able to use the electricity.

Trump Lashes Out at Nordstrom on Twitter: President Donald Trump lashed out at Nordstrom on Twitter, claiming the department store chain who decided to stop selling his daughter's clothing and accessory line treated her "so unfairly.” All I can say is - with all the crazy nonsense that’s been in the news lately, thank God we finally have a man in the White House who’s willing to take a stand on the Nordstrom clothing and accessory line. Trump then went on to accuse the company of promoting torture, sighting the existence of the many “Nordstrom Rack” locations as all the proof you need.

http://www.johnnyrobish.com

Accelerating Escalator Helps Swedish Police Disperse Brawlers: A malfunctioning escalator unexpectedly began accelerating in the Swedish town of Helsingborg, helping police break up a brawl that was going on between rival soccer fans. Onlookers who witnessed the brawl say they couldn’t believe how quickly things escalated.

Lower Mortality Rates with Foreign-Trained Doctors: A recent study suggests that U.S. patients may have lower mortality rates if their doctors were trained at foreign medical schools rather than at American universities. My doctor isn’t foreign, but just to be on the safe side, I do plan to ask him to use a fake French accent my next visit.

Doctors Remove Man’s 140-Pound Abdominal Tumor: A 57-year-old Mississippi man had surgery to remove a 140-pound abdominal tumor that doctors believe began as an ingrown hair 12 years ago. Well, you know what they say, “hair today, gone tumor-ow!”