Sarah Palin’s Son Track Arrested for Domestic Violence

Sarah Palin’s Son Track Arrested for Domestic Violence: Track Palin, the oldest son of former Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin, has been arraigned on charges of domestic violence, felony burglary, misdemeanor reckless assault and misdemeanor criminal mischief for causing up to $500 in property damage. Gee, I was just gonna remark “say it isn’t so,” but of course - that would be Sarah Huckabee Sanders and Sean Hannity's job. One thing’s for sure, this guy doesn’t have a very good Track record.

Scientists Now Have Tools to Bring Back Once Extinct Animals: Because of new advances in gene sequencing technology, scientists are now able to bring back once-extinct species of animals such as the Tasmanian tiger and the woolly mammoth, but some wonder if its really such a good idea. Now I don’t know about the Tasmanian tiger, but I am concerned about the consequences of bringing back the woolly mammoth. After all, there’s quite a lot of people who are allergic to wool.

Jerry Richardson to Sell Carolina Panthers Amid Investigation: Jerry Richardson announced he will sell his Charlotte-based NFL franchise at the end of the 2017 season amid reports that the 81-year-old NFL owner paid-out financial settlements to multiple former team employees over inappropriate behavior and comments. Wow, an 81-year-old NFL owner who’s had a heart transplant sexually harassing his employees? Now that’s some serious "fantasy football.”

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Japanese Monkeys Having Sexual Interactions With Deer: According to researchers who study macaque behavior, adolescent female monkeys in Japan have repeatedly engaged in sexual behaviors with sika deer - and for reasons that scientists say are not quite clear. I think its pretty obvious why female monkeys are having sex with these deer - the deer have lots of doe. That’s right, we’re talking big bucks. Anyway, one thing’s for sure - it doesn’t matter who initiated these encounters, Mike Pence and his lovely wife are never gonna get behind this kind of monkey business.

Women Are Happiest at 85 After Their Husbands Have Died: A survey of 8,000 British adults found that women are typically less happy than men until age 85 - an age when most of their husbands have already died. On the other hand, most men are not happy at 85 - simply because they are already dead.

Trump Admin Implements Orwellian Seven Word Ban at CDC: The Employees are complaining of Orwellian directives from the Trump Administration after it was reveled that officials at the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) have been barred from using seven words or phrases, including “science-based, evidence-based, fetus, transgender and vulnerable” in agency documents. I get where they’re coming from. Many of those words are quite confusing to people who believe our big, beautiful flat earth is 6000 years old.

Sen Graham Sees 70% Chance Trump Will Attack North Korea: Sen. Lindsey Graham (R-SC) has told the Atlantic that there is a 70% chance President Trump will attack Pyongyang if it conducts another nuclear test. My first thought was, where exactly is Sen. Graham getting that 70% figure? I mean, why not 72.64%? And then it occurred to me, its because THIS President does NOT do fractions.

Republican Warns Reducing Carbon Emissions Will Kill All Plants: Republican state Sen. Jerry Sonnenberg of Colorado argues that liberal environmental measures to reduce carbon emissions will kill off all plant life on Earth because “trees and plants use carbon dioxide to create oxygen.” Excellent point - I mean, everyone knows there were no such thing as plants and trees and before we started burning all those fossil fuels in our cars, factories and power plants.

Study Finds Clean Sheets Huge Turn-On For Women: In a study of more than 2,000 men and women, researchers found that next to losing weight, clean bed sheets topped the list of things that make women feel in the mood for sex. Not surprisingly, this was found to be especially true for female members of the Ku Klux Klan.

Needles Found in Sandwiches on Delta Flight: Delta Airlines and the FBI are trying to determine how sewing needles found their way into four turkey sandwiches that were served on flights from Amsterdam to the United States. While no one was injured, officials say only a big prick would pull a stunt like this.

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British Surgeon Guilty of Branding His Initials On Livers: In what prosecutors call “a case without legal precedent in criminal law,” a British surgeon is scheduled to be sentenced for assault on two patients, after pleading guilty to branding his initials onto their livers with an electric beam during transplant surgery. Geez, this guy is like Hannibal Lecter, makes you wonder what the hell else he’s been up to? It would be just my luck that I’d end up with a surgeon who also fancies himself as a graffiti artist. Now I’m starting to get a little bit concerned about that vasectomy I had a few years ago.

Kremlin Interrupting Trump's Tweets as Official Statements: According to Kremlin spokesman Dmitry Peskov, President Trump's tweets are being reported to Russian President Vladimir Putin, right along with other information about the United States, as official statements by the American President. I get that. Hell, at this point in his Presidency, I suppose we could consider Trump’s farts as “official statements.”

Doug Jones Defeats Roy Moore in Alabama Senate Contest: Doug Jones, who made his name by prosecuting two former KKK members who bombed a black church, has won a stunning victory in the Alabama Senate race - the first Democrat to win such a seat in the state for 25 years. Of course, I realize the Moore camp has asked for a recount, but no matter how you look at the numbers - she was still only 14.