Trump Calls Elizabeth Warren Pocahontas at Event Honoring Navajos

Trump Calls Elizabeth Warren Pocahontas at Event Honoring Navajos: Even while at a White House ceremony intended to honor the World War II Navajo code talkers, Trump found he couldn’t resist making a derogatory comment about his adversary Sen. Elizabeth Warren, referring to her once again as “Pocahontas.” No surprise there - I mean this is a guy who politicized a speech he made to the damn Boy Scouts. Kind of makes you wonder he’ll do next? Throw paper towels at hurricane victims?

Facebook Rolls Out AI to Detect Suicidal Posts: Facebook announced a brand new “proactive detection artificial intelligence technology,” designed to scan all posts looking for patterns of suicidal thoughts - and when necessary - send mental health resources to the user at risk. Gee, one would assume with all the money Facebook has, they could afford to just hire some actual intelligence rather than the artificial kind. Wonder if that new “artificial intelligence” will also be able to detect when foreign governments are buying fake, political hacker ads to post on Facebook? The first clue might be when they’re paying for everything in Rubles.

Study Finds We're Living Longer Lives in Poorer Health: A new study found that while life expectancy is increasing, adults are spending a large portion of their retirement years in poor health. A Trump Administration spokesperson claims the easiest way to put a stop to this trend would be to make dramatic cuts to medical care funding for the elderly - combined with lowering taxes for the wealthy. Problem solved!

http://www.johnnyrobish.com

Trump Claims He Pulled Out of Time’s Person of the Year: President Trump is claiming that Time magazine was contemplating naming him the “Person of the Year” for a second year in a row, but he pulled out of the running because he didn't want to participate in their interview and photo shoot. OK, so Donald Trump pulled out of Time’s “Person of the Year!” Frankly, I think we’d all be a lot better off had his father - Fred Trump - pulled out instead.

Study Finds Cinnamon Attacks Fat and Fights Obesity: University of Michigan research finds an essential oil in cinnamon attacks fat cells and could be used as a treatment to fight obesity. In related news, obesity advocates say cruel “fat shammers” have been caught on video offering cinnamon rolls to plus-sized models.

Critics Say Trump’s Golfing Deters From White House Duties: President Trump has already done more golfing in his short presidency than Presidents Obama, George W. Bush and Bill Clinton combined, which critics feel has deterred him from his duties as President. Administration officials counter that nearly all of those duties are still getting completed, only - rather than bother with them himself, the President has outsourced them to the Russians.

Amazon’s Jeff Bezos Net Worth Now More Than $100 Billion: Amazon founder and chief executive Jeffrey P. Bezos saw his net worth climb above $100 billion as shares in his online retail giant surged on optimism over holiday sales. Meanwhile, the rest of us are trying to save 15% or more by switching to Geico for car insurance. I guess this only goes to show that - you can have all the money in the world, but it still doesn’t buy you hair.

One-Horse Open Sleigh: In the interest of full disclosure, I'm not fully convinced its all that much fun to ride in a one-horse open sleigh.

Giant Asteroid to Shave Earth’s Orbit Next Month: Astronomers say an asteroid that measures 3 miles across will pass within 6.2 million miles of us next month - which is considered a bit too close for comfort in astronomical terms. Jim Bridenstine, the President’s pick to head up NASA - cautions that an asteroid that large could potentially wipe out all life on the moon if it were to land there.

New Report on Mormon Masturbation Interviews: A new report claims that children and teens in the Mormon church, often as young as eight years old, are frequently and aggressively interrogated and shamed by local church officials about masturbation and sex. While I don’t agree with their practice of interrogating kids about masturbation, I can at least understand where they’re coming from. I mean, if you have 15 or 20 wives you’re having sex with, its probably not a good idea to spend a great deal of your time masturbating.

Smart People Have Better Connected Brains: New research indicates how smart you are has mostly to do with the connections and interactions between brain regions and neurons. Geez, it just doesn’t seem fair. I mean, not only do you have to have good connections to find a decent job - but now, you apparently need them just to be able to think.

Galapagos Finch Creates New Species on Other Island: Researchers at Princeton University say the iconic Galapagos finch apparently flew to another island, mated with other birds and created a whole new species. So what’s the big deal? Didn’t Melania Trump do essentially the very same thing when she married Donald?

Man to Launch Himself in Homemade Rocket to Prove Earth Flat: Seeking to prove that a conspiracy of astronauts fabricated the shape of the Earth, a California man intends to prove the Earth is flat by launching himself 1,800 feet into the air at 500 miles per hour in a homemade, steam-powered rocket he built out of scrap metal. So, to prove the Earth is flat, he’s gonna go “splat!” I’m guessing he must have missed the last solar eclipse. And he’ll be flying at an altitude of only 1800 feet? Why we have buildings a lot taller than that. And commercial jetliners frequently cruise at 30,000 feet. Why put yourself through all this - when you can just buy an airline ticket to Cleveland and ask for a window seat? On a positive note, he shouldn’t have any problem launching the thing, because President Trump just announced plans to repeal “The Law Of Gravity” as part of his promise to deregulate everything.

Archeologists Find Roman Shipwrecks off Egypt's Coast: Egyptian officials report archaeologists have discovered three sunken shipwrecks dating back more than 2,000 years to Roman times off the coast of the city of Alexandria. Alert Egyptian officials said that when the ships didn’t even show up after 2000 years, we felt something may have happened to them and that it was time to start looking.

Human Teeth Evolved from the Scales of Ancient Shark: New evidence out of the University of Cambridge suggests that the teeth in your mouth have their origin in the scales of primitive shark-like fish. Good - then maybe I’ll send them my dental bills.

Ohio Judge Who Boasted About Sex Conquests Apologizes: Ohio gubernatorial candidate and sitting state Supreme Court Justice Bill O’Neill has issued an apology for boasting about having bedded 50 very attractive females, saying he was deeply sorry if he offended any of the “wonderful women” in his life. He then went on to single out numbers 7, 19, 26 and 31 for special praise - about whose performance he described as “nothing short of “spectacular.”

Scientists Warn of Strong Earthquakes As Earth’s Rotation Slows: A team of scientists are predicting that powerful earthquakes will double in 2018 as Earth’s rotation slows down. Gee, first we have global warming and now it's global slowing? Wonder if the shaking will be measured on the Mueller or the Richter scale? Anyway, about the only thing we can ever know for sure is - Sean Hannity will inevitably blame Hillary for this.

Study Claims Coffee Buzz Just in Our Heads: New research from the University of London has found that the “buzz” people get from coffee and other caffeinated beverages may very well “just be in our heads.” Yea, and that sting we feel after paying nearly six dollars for coffee at Starbucks - may very well be “just in our wallets.”

http://www.johnnyrobish.com

Televangelist Jim Bakker Demands Viewers Buy His Pancake Mix: Disgraced televangelist Jim Bakker warned viewers that their grandchildren could face eternal damnation and President Trump possibly be assassinated unless they send him $60 (plus shipping and handling) for a bucket of the pancake mix which he is selling. All I can say is, let this serve as a warning to all of you who think you can just eat at IHOP once in a while and still save your souls - the Lord isn’t fooled by that kind of crêpe. In fact, I’m been thinking about designing a custom griddle that'll put the image of Jesus on all these pancakes. That ought to butter him up a bit.

Franklin Graham Attacks Ray Moore Denouncers: According to Evangelist Franklin Graham, those denouncing alleged pedophile and Alabama senatorial candidate Roy Moore “are guilty of doing much worse than what he has been accused of supposedly doing.” Smart observation on the part of Reverend Graham. I mean, if Alabama doesn’t elect this pervert to the Senate, next thing you know - hordes of transgenders will begin using public restrooms and our young people could be at risk of not believing everything they hear on Fox News. Give him a break, the good pastor is only trying to give loyal Alabama Republicans a little Ray Moore of hope.

Florida Man Accused of Impersonating Cop for Discounted Doughnuts: Florida police have arrested a man who was impersonating a cop so he could get discounted doughnuts at Dunkin’ Donuts. Police say it was easy to spot the imposter by the glazed look on his face. But there’s no point in sugar-coating this, this guy is going to jail and they’ll likely throw him right in the hole.