Trump Says He Didn’t Realize Being President Was Difficult

Trump Says He Didn’t Realize Being President Was Difficult: In a recent interview with Reuters, President Trump said he is surprised how hard his new job really is, says he misses his previous life and simple things like driving and feels as if he is in a cocoon. Good grief, I never realized playing golf every weekend at a Florida resort was that stressful! Gee, seems poor Mr Trump is constantly getting surprised by the complexity of things lately. Next he’ll be telling us how shocked he is that a nuclear war with North Korea could be so deadly. I mean, who could have known nuclear bombs make such a Yuge explosion?

Swedish Man Arrested for Urinating on Produce: A Swedish newspaper is reporting that a drunk man in the western city of Gothenburg was arrested for relieving himself all over the apples and oranges in the produce section of a popular supermarket chain. The judge let him off with a light fine, but made sure he understands that if this ever happens again, “urine real trouble.”

Church Leader and Children’s Author Arrested for Molestation: A former church youth leader and author of a young adult book series in Iowa City has been arrested for inappropriately touching multiple children over the course of several years. Local Tea Party officials say they are grateful his ministry was at least able to warn everyone about the dangers of homosexuality and transgender bathrooms before he was carted off to jail!

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Trump Says Major, Major Conflict With N. Korea Possible: President Trump is causing some concern after stating in a recent interview with Reuters, that "there is a chance that we could end up having a major, major conflict with North Korea.” North Korea and Kim shouldn’t take it so personally. If I know Trump, he’ll just launch a missile somewhere and wherever it lands, that's who we fight - then, he’ll claim his North Korean war has much better ratings than WW II and Vietnam had.

Teens Drinking Cheap Hand Sanitizers to Get High: The California Poison Control Center has received over 60 reports of teenagers ending up in emergency rooms after drinking “cheap liquid hand sanitizers” which contain 62 percent ethyl alcohol to get drunk. I blame the parents. Its their job to inform kids that if you must drink hand sanitizers, don’t go with the cheaper brands.

Trump Wants to Put Humans on Mars in Three Years: Unsatisfied with NASA's current plans to get humans on the Red Planet sometime in the 2030s, President Trump announced he wants people on Mars by the end of his first term, in three-and-a-half years. Wonder if Trump realizes that Mars is know as the “Red Planet,” not the “Orange Planet?” The way things are going, Trump would spend billions of our tax dollars sending people to Mars and as soon as they land, the first thing they see is a Yuge statue of Kim Jong Un.

Elderly Man Spray Painting “No Kids” in Seniors-Only Community: Police now suspect it was another elderly man who is behind the spray painting of a 63-year-old Florida man’s car in a seniors-only gated community with the message “NO KIDS,” after the man babysitted his 4-year-old granddaughter a couple of times. Every time I hear about people committing crimes like this - I can’t help but think “where are the parents?”

Chocolate Consumption Linked to Nobel Prizes: A new study has found that countries with the highest consumption of chocolate also have the most Nobel Prize winners. I don’t buy it. I mean, simple logic tells you that if there really was a relationship between chocolate consumption and the Nobel Prize, wouldn’t nearly all Nobel Prizes be awarded to women?

Trump Boasts He Has Higher Ratings Than 9/11 Broadcasts: In a recent interview about his first 100 days in the White House, Donald Trump bragged that his “ratings” were higher than broadcasts of the 9/11 terrorist attacks. Is it just me, or did the President of the United States just boast he is more popular than a terror attack?

Rat Meat Sold as Lamb in Latest China Food Scandal: Chinese police have broken up a criminal ring accused of taking meat from rats and selling it as lamb in the country's latest food safety scandal. Guess that’s what can happen when food sellers don’t give a rat’s ass about what they sell.

Wine Consumption Drops to Record Low in France: Once considered France's favorite pastime, new data shows that wine-consumption levels in France are now at a record low. Not to worry though, wine consumption on LA’s skid row appears to be stronger than ever.

Study Finds Older Workers Stay Unemployed Longer: According to recently released research, people age 55 and older who are unemployed are more likely to be so long-term as opposed to their younger counterparts. Perhaps even more depressing, even if they do find work, they’re still gonna be old.

Urine Stem Cells Used To Grow Teeth: In a study published in peer-reviewed journal Cell Regeneration, a team of scientists used urine stem cells to grow teeth in mice. Possible side effects include a potty mouth and becoming “pissed off” because the teeth have a yellow stain.

BYU-Idaho Warns Students Against Masturbation Dangers: A motivational video released by Brigham Young University-Idaho is generating a lot of attention over its urging fellow students to report friends they believe are masturbating too much to religious officials, comparing the effort to rescuing a fellow soldier during war. Of course the problem with trying to report too much masturbating is, how are you supposed to know what’s the right amount?

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Frozen Hash Browns Recalled Due to Golf Ball Contamination: A recall has been issued for frozen hash browns sold in nine states under the Harris Teeter and Roundy's brands because the potatoes may be contaminated with golf ball materials. Wait a minute! We’re not supposed to eat golf balls? I don’t know about you, but I miss the good old days when foods were contaminated with things like e-coli or listeria. One thing’s for sure, something like this could have never happened if the potatoes they used weren’t sub-par.

Swimmers Warned About Testicle Attacking Monster Fish: Authorities are warning swimmers that a testicle-crushing monster fish from South America, best known for its sharp teeth and occasional attacks on male genitalia, has invaded the waters off Scandinavia. Its definitely gonna take a lot of balls to go in swimming now.

Extra Large Sized Caskets Selling Better Than Ever: Casket makers are reporting a huge growth in sales of extra large caskets, calling it a dignified way for families of the obese to also find closure. Makes sense. I mean, how’s a family supposed to find closure when the deceased is so huge you can’t close the casket?