Thank You Notes

Recently I was walking down the street and ran into a couple who said they were interested in living in the area and did I know of any real estate agents. Immediately, an acquaintance of mine, Jim Rea, popped in my head, and I told them about him. I asked for their email address and went right home and sent Jim an email introducing this couple to him. Within days Jim sent me a handwritten thank you note in the mail. I understand that may be common etiquette in the real estate business, but I felt too--given the little bit I know of Jim, that it also was heartfelt rather than just a device to garner more business. There was something about the wording and the general resonance of it that I sensed it came from sincere gratitude.

I began to think about my own expression of gratitude over my lifetime. I did the thank you notes after my wedding and for occasions like that. However, I wrote them because it was just the thing you do. My heart wasn't in it. I felt so ill-at-ease about it that I often wrote way too much, something a writer like me tends to do. There have been many times over the years when I showed no gratitude at all. This often happened if relationships were strained, and I felt a discomfort at receiving something from the other party and wished for them to withhold further gifts. Gratitude is often hard to summon up when strings are attached or the foundation of the relationship is disrespect.

Something about Jim's card made me rethink gratitude a lot, and I decided that I would adopt handwritten thank you notes into my etiquette. So I went to Office Depot, and for the first time bought thank you notes from a place of authenticity rather than obligation. I have begun using them, not for every gesture of kindness to me, but for ones that stand out. I am sure some recipients of them may be perplexed, feeling whatever they did was of little consequence--but some of those little things we do for each other are far bigger than we realize.

The beauty of expressing gratitude in a thank you note by mail is the recipient can't help but take notice. With email overload, they may either miss the email completely, or it's just another bit of information passing on their screen. It may even be considered a nuisance--just one more email that has to be read and attended to. Given how little snail mail we do get nowadays, you really can't miss a note in your mailbox. In addition, like with reading books--the physical holding of a note carries a kind of intimacy that just can't be mimicked in email no matter how thoughtful the words. And because the recipient has to make some effort in opening the envelope, their investment is much more than opening an email. But more importantly, they get the message that they were worth the effort in the time you took to write and deliver it. There's something priceless about that especially in these days when people simply no longer have the time for kind gestures anymore. It humanizes us, and this is gold in our very anonymous world.

I have this fantasy that a new trend will start in which everyone will begin to adopt writing handwritten thank you notes as I have. The trend will become so widespread that it will save U.S.P.S. While all the paper mail continues to dry up with e-bills, email, and online documents, the postal service will be flooded with mail in the form of thank you notes. U.S.P.S will become a feel-good place associated with gratefulness rather than annoying bills, and postal workers will do their job with the joy of carrying bags full of gratitude everywhere they go.