Water Consumption Linked to Fatal Car Crashes, Murder, Lethargy

A new study published by the American Forensic Academy shows a positive link between drivers in fatal car crashes and consumption of drinking water over the past 48 hours.

In the landmark study, an incredible 100% of drivers at the wheel in fatal car accidents tested positive for water consumption over the past 48 hours, far more prevalent than any other substance.

Scientists were stunned by the findings, leading them to explore further the linkages between consuming Hydrogen Hydroxide (also known on the street as Dihydrogen Monoxide) and other crimes and societal ills.

What's more, water has been statistically proven to be THE single largest gateway drug known to science. 100% of heroin abusers, cocaine abusers, alcoholics, and meth addicts reported that they started off by drinking water.

While studies are still being compiled, scientists have so far found 100% correlation between consuming Hydrogen Hydroxide and:
     - murder
     - being murdered
     - robbery
     - unemployment
     - Tea Party membership
     - obesity
     - suicide
     - depression
     - Bieber Fever

...And the list goes on. Which leads the Bethel Bacon editors to ask:

For how long are we willing to tolerate this silent killer in our community?

Speak out below.