All of my posts are not letters, I promise.
Dear Friends,
This was me last Friday. I took the day off from work. I dropped my kids off at school. I hit the pavement as soon as I got home. I needed a day to clear my head. To center myself in what had been a tornado of a week. I was really looking forward to being by myself. I NEEDED to be by myself. Let me tell you what got me here.
For the past few weeks, I have been absolutely immersed in work. We have a big fundraiser coming up and although I have a great team helping me, this is the first time I have been at the helm for this event so the expectation I place on myself is very high. We are down to the wire and there are small, little details left to take care of. Although they are small details, they matter just as much as big picture and the overall function and success of the event. My mind was racing (still is actually) for weeks on end. I have been working late at night, after I put my kids to bed. I respond to emails before my feet even hit the floor in the morning. Is it because I’m crazy? No, it’s because I deeply believe in the cause that reaps the benefit of this fundraiser. I am dedicated to the team that is helping me and, let’s be frank, I want to do a good job. Prove my worth.
That’s the first part. The second part? Keep reading.
In the midst of all of the work stuff, I am constantly striving to be a really good mom and wife. I obviously have something inside of me that feels I constantly need to prove myself. Hmmm… So, in between answering emails and sending out requests, I am changing diapers, kissing boo boos, answering questions, giving baths and making dinner. I was moving through each day, just like everyone else and then Wednesday happened.
It wasn’t any catastrophic event. It was a normal work day. A little stressful with new deadlines to meet and new requests to process, but normal none the less. I left work, went to pick up the kids and again, went through my normal nightly routine. Jeff was out with some of his friends, so after I gave the kids their bath and put them to bed, it was time for me to unwind. I also had lunches to make for the next day and a kitchen to clean. Before I knew it, it was 10pm. I was wiped and ready for bed. Then, it hit me. My ring that I had gotten after Jordan was born was gone. GONE. As I ripped the house apart, I began to feel nauseous. I had this horrible feeling it was gone for good.
I always take that ring off to wash my hands so I thought maybe, just maybe it was still in the bathroom at work. I knew it wasn’t in the house, so I reluctantly went to bed. I dreamt about it all night. It was the first thing I thought about when I woke up. I couldn’t bring myself to tell Jeff because this was not the first piece of jewelry I lost that he gave me.
As I drove into work, I prayed and prayed that I would find it. That it would be in one piece and life could go on. I searched the building. Nothing. My awesome coworkers helped me look. I had an appointment out of the office at 9am, and so I gave up the search and went out to my car. As I got to my door, I looked down. There it was. In pieces.
What happened was this. As I left work on Wednesday, it slipped off my finger. I didn’t realize it because I was so consumed with the “to do” list in my head. When I arrived on Thursday morning, I ran it over. Yup. Me. I parked in the exact same spot two days in a row and I ran it over. I was devastated. I’m still so sad about it. I cried. I tear up as I write this. Yes, the ring was/is so important to me, but this was a sign of something larger and that’s what I REALLY broke down over.
In taking care of everything else, I forgot about me. I didn’t even give myself FIVE minutes to take stock of ME. If I had, I would still have that ring. If I had, I would have realized before Thursday that I needed some attention. I needed some TLC. I needed it from myself. I looked at myself in the mirror and I saw a stressed out chick who was so concerned about taking care of everyone else, I didn’t know if I was coming or going.
I had a day of solitude. It was so desperately needed and so overdue. Life is not about things, but that one thing made me realize what my life is about. Do yourself a favor, take a day- even if it’s once a year- and be BY YOURSELF. You will be better for it. I know I am.
Love and Light,
Meg
