"He hit me!"

Ah, the lovely sounds of our children. Screams from the playroom. Fighting in the back seat of the car. And the more time we spent together, the more we all seemed to get on each other’s nerves. Summer time fun? Hmmmm.

We always need to intervene, and separate them, or take things away.

Sound familiar? Want some ideas to try?

· Avoid comparing children. So instead of “How come I you over and over again to put your clothes in the hamper when your sister does it without asking?” Try, “I feel upset when I have to keep reminding you to put your clothes in the hamper.”

· Don’t take sides. Very often, we blame one child for the fights. Unless there is a true safety concern, stay uninvolved. Try walking away, or asking them to leave the room to go solve their problem. Then stay silent and out of it, and let them work things out.

· Encourage them to express their feelings. Allow your child to feel heard and understood. When they seem angry, say something like, “You seem angry that your sister is using your game. It’s okay to feel angry. When you are ready, you can tell your brother how you feel.”

· Give each of them individual attention. Set up special time with each child for 20-30 minutes. Ask them what they want to do, and then put everything else aside and truly focus on them.

So often, their fighting is a way to gain our attention. By connecting with them in good times, and staying out of the middle when they are fighting, the amount of bickering should be less.

Want to learn more about why kids fight, what sibling rivalry is all about, how to effectively intervene, and how to build cooperation? We are offering a 2-hour class on Managing Sibling Rivalry: How to Move From Conflict to Comradery on August 12. Visit www.positivedisciplinect.org/parenting-classes/ for more cost and registration information.

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