Silence is golden.

I remember constantly being pulled in to arguments with our kids. Each of us felt we had to “win” and have the last word.

I also remember being really angry, and saying things I wished I hadn’t said. And yelling. So much yelling.

When we are angry or upset, we cannot access our rational “thinking cap” part of our brain. It’s factual brain science.

So what should we do? Here are some ideas that may help.

· Explain to your family that when anyone is angry, they cannot get to the rational part of the brain. It is the worst time to try to have a conversation. Let them know that when you are angry, you will walk away silently to calm down. When you are calm, you will find them, to talk about what happened, and come up with solutions to the problem. You may choose a silent signal, like a hand up, to let them know that you are going to cool down. Then follow through.

· Talk to your family about wanting to stop getting in to arguments, and let them know you will walk away if they try to start one. When you find yourself engaging in the power struggle, stop yourself as soon as you realize that’s what is going on. It’s okay to say, “Oops. I didn’t mean to get involved in an argument,” and then silently walk away. They may follow you. Remain silent.

· When problems arise, work together to come up with solutions. This is an incredibly useful life skill for everyone in the family.

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