Taming your inner beast

Have you ever been so angry that you feel like your head is going to explode? I have. And it is a really awful feeling.

Anyone can “push our buttons”. Kids, spouses, friends. And there are times when many of us feel out of control with our anger.

So what can we do about it?

The first step is to understand what is going on when we get mad or upset. Physically, there are connectors between the rational and emotional parts of our brain, and these become disconnected. They will not reconnect until we have calmed down.

Think about how you feel physically when you are beginning to get angry. Do you clench your teeth, are your muscles tightening, do you feel the blood coming in to your head? You may be able to recognize these signs of anger coming on, and take some deep slow breaths to calm down.

When we get angry, the best thing we can do is walk away from the situation. Say, “I’m upset, and I need some time to calm down before we can talk.” The key is then to take the time to calm down. If you cannot physically walk away, you can mentally work on calming down. When you are truly calm, you can then come back together to talk about what happened, and how you can figure out solutions that are acceptable to everyone concerned.

If you try to have a conversation when you are angry, what happens? Because we can only access the emotional part of our brain, emotions and anger are what comes out. The person we are talking to will react with emotions and anger, and things are likely to escalate. We all do better when we feel better, right?

Talking in advance with your children and spouse about this may help. “When I get angry or upset, I’m going to ask for some time to calm down, so we can talk about things in a peaceful, calm way.” You are also teaching your children by example, which should help them learn how to manage their big emotions.

Want to learn more about what causes us to get upset, how to calm down, appropriate ways to express feelings, and how to problem solve together?We are offering a 2-hour class on Taming Your Inner Beast: How to get from upset to calm, and help your children learn, too on Thursday, September 17. Visit www.positivedisciplinect.org/parenting-classes/ for more cost and registration information.

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