I was listening to Dave Ramsey’s Show; once again, he had another couple screaming “I’m debt free”. Dave has been an encouragement to me. I know it is crazy, but I have even practiced my debt free scream in the car and with several debt payers. I cannot wait to go to the pilgrimage and do my debt free scream. While I was listening to the scream and feeling encouraged, I could not stop thinking of several couples who have come and go out of my counseling office on the verge of divorce due to money fights. The number one cause of divorce is money issues. When money is the real issue not just a symptom, I pull my resource folder and hand both parties Dave Ramsey’s budget sheet. I know some will use it and some will ignore. However, it is evident the three reasons listed below are the main barriers to financial unity in marriage.
1.Love of Money – Money is neither good nor bad. Money can be use to do a lot of good things, but there are married men and women who love money more than they love their spouse. For the love of money is a root of all kinds of evil. Some people, eager for money, have wandered from the faith and pierced themselves with many griefs. (1 Timothy 6:10) The love of money will lead your marriage to griefs.
2.Division and Conflict about money – If you cannot agree with your spouse on what and when to spend your incomes, you will have conflict. On the day you said “I do” you agreed to become one. The “I do” statement did not have a hidden clause stating “I do, except with my money”. Whenever there is division about money, I see two reasons 1. Lack of trust and 2. A sense of entitlement. Sometimes lack of trust occurs due to financial infidelity, but this is not an excuse to break oneness in your marriage. The entitlement issue has its root in a faulty belief –“I am a king, or I am a queen, and I can spend money the way I want because I have an invisible bank account with unlimited funds.” In reality, it is “I am an immature boy or girl who has no self boundary with money”.
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3. Anxiety and worries due to money issues – Well of course, if you are living above your mean, you will have money issues. As a couple counselor, I have seen several world wars in my office due to anxiety and worries about money. Why get headaches, stomach aches, nausea, sweaty palms (you get the point) because you could not say no? If spending money is filling a void for you, get professional help. It is not worth your marriage
Now, there are couples who really have low income. If this is your case, take care of your family first. While you are taking care of your family, design a plan to increase your income.
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How you and your spouse can avoid being a statistic?
1.Create a real budget – Notice I say real budget. Do not list your spending list and call it a budget. A budget dictates how you will spend your money. Not the other way around.
2.Stick to the budget – Train your brain to say no. There is no point in making a plan if you have no intention on following it. Get accountability partners if necessary.
3.Get rid of debt – You will not prosper if you keep heavy load around. My husband is a serious runner. (I mostly run in my mind). When he runs a marathon, he does not carry excessive and useless weights because his goal is to get to the finish line. Debts are useless, excessive weights. Once again, you will not proper if you keep debts around .
4.Save –Social security will not take care of you and your family. Show your family love by saving. Like Dave would say, change your family tree. It is sad to see generational financial catastrophe.
5.Be generous – This last step is so crucial. It will keep you grounded. If you want to have a soft and humble heart, be generous. Giving will be a history lesson for you and your spouse. Being generous is a reminder where you have come from. Giving also prevent you from falling in love with money.
If you read this article and use the resources listed. I promise you, you will have financial unity in your marriage.
Questions: Does it feel like you are having the same money fights over and over again? What will you do to have financial unity in your marriage?
Resources:
Budget – http://www.daveramsey.com/tools/budget-lite/
Accountability Partner – http://www.daveramsey.com/fpu/home/
Income Makeover - http://www.48days.com/
A plan for financial unity - http://www.daveramsey.com/new/baby-steps/
