Save your marriage from anger

Most clients who see me for anger management usually say I don’t want to be angry anymore or my spouse makes me angry.  Well, I usually validate their concerns and then tell them the truth. The truth is I cannot control their anger and is not possible to never get angry. Our spouses are not responsible for our anger.

Anger is normal. Anger can even be healthy.

The problem with anger is you.  Your reactions, your thoughts and your behaviors. This can be a very hard pill to swallow, but all of us have been there. You can point the finger all you want, but if you do not look  at how you are responsible for your own anger. You will always be angry.  Eventually, that will cost your marriage.

So, how do we address anger?

   1.     Acceptance and Awareness – Admitting we have a problem managing our anger is only half the work, but it is extremely crucial. Now, you can address your anger

   2.     Know your triggers - Get to know what push your button.  Knowing your trigger is usually a three parts combo. You might have internal anger issues. Consequently, you will need to look at your thoughts, intentions and character.

   3.     Know your red flags – How do you react when you are losing control over your anger? Do you pace back and forth? Do you fume in you head? Do you get loud? It is extremely important to look at verbal, physical, and all non-physical reactions. Sometimes we look calm, but there is a lump in our throat because we are burning with anger.

   4.     Restructure the way you view anger – How do you use anger? To control others? To mask pain and fears?

   5.     Taking hold of your anger – Take captive your anger by relaxation, communication, problem solving, verses, accountability partner, journaling etc, before it gets to control you. Address both behaviors and heart. Not just one part.

   6.     Offense & Defense – View  destructive anger as an enemy to your relationship. Don’t wait for your anger to be out of control and then you will decide to attack it.  Have an offense strategy – address and attack issues before they become big. Have a defense strategy – No one is immune to become  angry, but if you guard your thoughts, mind and actions you will succeed in controlling your anger

Do not let your anger destroy your relationship.  Do not let your anger be the cause of your spouse walking on egg shell.  Don’t wait for your relationship to deteriorate before you decide to take control of your anger.  No, your spouse is not making you angry. Address your anger today.