The Real Housewife of Douglasville-Advice for Parents of Teenage Daughters

Another Real Housewife, who also has herself a daughter the same age as my Harper Lee, suggested the topic for this blog. This one is a HUMDINGER. Advice for teenage daughters.

See, Linda Blair in The Exorcist has nothing on my fourteen (almost fifteen if you ask her) year old, when she is in a mood. I mean it. Well, without all the cuss words, of course. Being raised a proper Southern Belle and all, Harper would never utter profanity. But mean? Come on! And mood swings?  Jeesh. Where to begin? 

My Real Housewife of Temple asked for advice, so advice she shall receive. First of all, set clear and unmistakable boundaries.  Such as, you will take out the trash.  I will know where you are at all times. You will not go in my wallet. You will not roll your eyes.  That last one makes me think of a hilarious story by my Real Housewife of Fulton County friend. Bear with me, I do tend to digress. Her then three year old came home from preschool and mom asked what she learned that day. This little doll replied “you can roll the play dough but you can’t roll your eyes.”  Is that cute or what?  Give her ten years, right?  OK, sorry, back to the advice, boundaries are good. Enforcing them is another story. My punishment du jour is taking away the cell phone or computer or, depending on the severity of the offense, both. This apparently, is equal to a life threatening calamity.

Next advice, frisk them like a DEA Agent on a meth addict. I check everything. You have no privacy. That’s right. I may trust you, but I don’t necessarily trust all those folks you hang out with or who might find you on Facebook. I watch Dateline. We are going to make sure there is no inappropriate anything, got it? 

Number three is you will be respectful to me regardless of your opinion of my rules or judgment. I realize you are going through a lot of hormonal changes right now. Guess what?  I have been THRUST into immediate menopause with this lovely little surgery I just had so I think I will win this contest hands down. How about this? I will be kind and understanding as much as you are. We should both recognize when are bodies are playing grotesquely mean tricks on us in the form of surges or depletion of estrogen.  

Most importantly of all is number four. That is, know that I have loved you beyond definition from the day I knew you were growing inside me. There is nothing on this earth more important to me than you and there never will be. Every rule and restriction is to keep you safe and teach you to live with integrity and honesty and no other reason. You are my very breath and all I ever want for you is your complete happiness. I will sacrifice your adoration of me in order to insure that you grow up to be the best you can possibly be and I’ll hope one day you see why I did all these things and realize that there is no greater love anywhere.