The Real Housewife on Judgment and What Not To Wear

OK.  Well, just let me say, when you make a mid year resolution, such as, oh I don’t know, maybe you decide to not be so judgmental anymore, be careful what you wish for.  I made the mistake of deciding, upon Deepak Chopra’s advice, to try to at least spend one day withholding judgment against anything and anyone.   I was actually doing very nicely.  And then I saw a post on Facebook about a woman kicked out of Walmart for inappropriate attire.

Now, let me just lay a foundation here.  I am not a fashionista in any way, shape or form.  My two lovely daughters, the future Housewives, will attest to this.  Many times I will grab something at the local Sears and Roebuck (oops it’s just Sears now, right?) and there will be much head shaking going on.  But for the

most part I do try to look relatively decent and of course, I am always properly covered.  There is the occasional stop at the Kroger’s after working out where one might see me in just a little spandex, but it is rare and I do try to dash in and out.  However, that said, you will not catch me in public in swimwear.  It just goes without saying.  Swimwear is not clothing.

Let me just also add, since we are on the subject, there are other items of apparel that seem to not be worn correctly, for example, leggings.  Leggings are items to be worn under cute skirts, tunics (the kind that come past the hips) and sometimes even shorts.  Leggings are not pants to be worn with a normal length blouse.  It matters not your figure.  If what you are wearing does not cover your butt when wearing leggings, then you are doing it wrong.  Trust me, even on Olivia Newton-John in Grease, they were awful. 

Sweatpants are for the gym, or ballpark, track, etc.  Only if you are coming from the gym and cannot help stopping at that precise moment should you ever be seen in public in sweats.  In other words, if you were vegging on the couch watching Lifetime movies and eating chocolate (one of my favorite past times) and then get the hankering to go to the store, get up and put on some clothes. This goes DOUBLE for pajamas.  No matter how cute, even if they have Scooby Doo or Tinkerbelle, these are for sleeping and lounging in your home.  These are not acceptable apparel in public places.

And there comes a time in life when we need to stay out of the Junior’s department.  We are no longer “Junior’s” hence the SENIOR discount at Kroger’s, capisce?

So, here I am trying to be a better person and there is a short video of a woman thrown out of Walmart for wearing a bathing suit top with her shorts.  And I am just biting a hole in my tongue trying not to say something smart aleck about it, but it’s futile.  I slide down the slippery slope of sarcasm.  She is explaining her reasons and I want to say, “Honey, did any of them involve a mirror?  Cause if they did, I’m pretty sure you’d have re-thunk this bikini top thing.”  It is just wrong on so many levels.  She said it was hot, so that’s what she wore. 

And boy hidee, is she MAD about this.  She can’t fathom why on earth the local Walmart’s would boot her butt out on the street for this.  So the local news team reporting the story has a recorded phone call with a Walmart representative.    Seems it wasn’t the employees who were intent on her leaving the store, but the other patrons.  Imagine that! She was “disrupting their shopping experience”, which loosely translated means “temporarily blinding them with her over exposure of flesh”. 

Many fashion rules were broken in this single sighting:

Number one:  We discussed the age thing already.  Now this woman is not what you’d call a spring chicken, if you know what I mean.  Us mature ladies need to be adequately covered and while I am on the subject, “lifted”.  Meaning correct undergarments so you don’t look like you are carrying two grapefruits in an old pair of knee highs slung over your shoulder.

Number two:  Not only does she have on a string bikini top, but it appears she has shaved her head as well.  Perhaps this was also due to heat, but whatever her personal reasons, we now have two major fashion faux pas.  I realize with the heat and humidity it is difficult to maintain a proper coif, but sister, this was not the answer.  I can hook you up with a fabulous hair stylist (Cuttin’ Edge, Hwy 5, Douglasville).

Number three:  The shorts she is wearing are actually cut off sweat pants.  See my instructions above on the proper wearing of sweat pants.  No where do I say it is OK to cut them off.  This is why they make those items called shorts.  When you get yourself a pair of shorts, you do not have to mangle your existing wardrobe with a pair of pinking shears, or from the looks of hers, hedge trimmers.

So there.  I have backslid on my attempt at spiritual purity.  But like Scarlette said, “Tomorrow is another day”. I am really, truly going to make a concerted effort to not be a smart aleck.  Now if I can just stay off the People of Walmart website…