Speaking the Same Language in Marriage

Imagine communicating with your spouse in perfect harmony. Your husband understands exactly what you need to feel special and wanted. Your wife knows exactly what make you feel happy and appreciated. For so many married couples, this harmony seems like an unrealistic dream. Communicating your spouse love language is just the tool that can lead your marriage to perfect synchronization. Knowing how to communicate in your spouse primary love language can decrease arguments and build intimacy. In The 5 Love Languages, Dr. Gary Chapman described five ways to express love emotionally.

 1. Words of Affirmation—Actions don’t always speak louder than

words. If this is your love language, unsolicited compliments mean the

world to you. Hearing the words, “I love you,” are important—hearing

the reasons behind that love sends your spirits skyward. Insults can

leave you shattered and are not easily forgotten.

Practical tip – Tell your spouse he/she is doing a great job at a task.

 2. Quality Time—In the vernacular of Quality Time, nothing says

“I love you” like full, undivided attention. Being there for this type

of person is critical, but really being there—with the TV off, fork

and knife down, and all chores and tasks on standby—makes your

significant other feel truly special and loved. Distractions, postponed

dates, or the failure to listen can be especially hurtful.

Practical tip – Spend at least 15 minutes with your spouse daily.

3. Receiving Gifts—Don’t mistake this love language for materialism;

the receiver of gifts thrives on the love, thoughtfulness, and effort

behind the gift. If you speak this language, the perfect gift or gesture

shows that you are known, you are cared for, and you are prized above

whatever was sacrificed to bring the gift to you. A missed birthday,

anniversary, or a hasty, thoughtless gift would be disastrous—so

would the absence of everyday gestures.

Practical tip – On your way home from work pick his/her favorite desert.

4. Acts of Service—Can vacuuming the floors really be an expression

of love? Absolutely! Anything you do to ease the burden of

responsibilities weighing on an Acts of Service person will speak

volumes. The words he or she most wants to hear are, “Let me do that

for you.” Laziness, broken commitments, and making more work for

them, tell those with this language their feelings don’t matter.

Practical tip – Complete a task that your spouse is usually responsible for.

5. Physical Touch—This language isn’t all about the bedroom. A

person whose primary language is Physical Touch is, not surprisingly,

very touchy. Hugs, pats on the back, holding hands, and thoughtful

touches on the arm, shoulder, or face—they can all be ways to show

excitement, concern, care, and love. Physical presence and accessibility

are crucial, while neglect or abuse can be unforgivable and destructive.

Practical tip – Give your spouse a kiss each time you leave the house and greet him/ her with a kiss upon return.

Questions: What practical tips do you use to speak your spouse’s love language?

Thank you for reading. To grow your relationship, please visit us at http://www.portofpeacecounseling.com