How Teens Can Cope With Canceled Graduation, Prom: Therapist

DUPAGE COUNTY, IL — This time of year is usually a time for feelings of joy and excitement as teens prepare for all the ceremonies that come with graduating from high school. With proms and graduations being postponed or cancelled altogether due to the new coronavirus crisis, those feelings of joy and excitement are being replaced by "disappointment and sadness," Mark Copertino, a mental health case therapist at Northwestern Medicine Central DuPage Hospital told Patch.

Copertino works with teens and told Patch that many of them "feel as if this virus has robbed them of the full experience of being a high school senior."

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He said, "For the time being, many teenagers are not able to get together to have their own celebrations with friends and family. The frustration with having official ceremonies cancelled combined with limitations with personal family and friend celebrations makes it particularly difficult."

Copertino said many of the teens he works with are also experiencing "loneliness, sadness, anxiety, boredom, and frustration" during this time, but there are things teens and their parents can do to cope.

How Teens Are Coping

Copertino told Patch that many teens' parents are not yet comfortable having friends over, so teens have been relying on social media and other apps to connect with their friends, just like many adults have during the coronavirus shutdown.

Video games can also be a helpful and fun way for teens to remotely spend time with their friends, Copertino said. He told Patch, "Video games of today are almost just as much about a social experience than the actual playing of a game itself according to many of the teens I work with. They are able to use live chat during games via their headsets, and this is a way for them to keep connected while engaging in a common activity."

Teens are also spending more time outside with their friends when it is safe to do so, while practicing social distancing. "Going for a walk or run, hanging out in a backyard patio of a friend, throwing a football from a distance and riding bikes are all activities that I have seen teens do as a means to spend time with friends while appropriately socially distancing," Copertino told Patch.

What Else Teens Can Do To Cope

Copertino said it's important for teens and their parents to recognize that the feelings of loneliness, disappointment and sadness that may come up during this time are valid. He encourages teens to talk about these feelings with their friends and family.

"Acknowledgment and acceptance of such feelings combined with talking to trusted friends and families is a good first step to help process the challenges during this time," Copertino told Patch.

Copertino also recommended the following methods for teens to cope with their feelings:

• Practicing self-care
• Connecting with friends via phone and social media
• Exercising at home
• Taking runs, walks or bike rides
• Drawing, painting, journaling
• Reading a book
• Learning a new skill

Copertino said teens and their parents can also work together to brainstorm a list of leisure activities or can plan a fun, socially distant, alternative event to celebrate prom or graduation.

Copertino told Patch, "Prom being cancelled is certainly disappointing, but making your own fun in an alternative format is a great way to stay focused on other possibilities within your control."

How Parents Can Help

Copertino told Patch that parents can help by spending more time with their children. He said, "I have had families tell me that they are eating dinner all together for the first time in many years. We live in a time when parents and their children have very active and hectic work, school, and extracurricular activity schedules. This pandemic can potentially allow for more quality time together for dinners, board games, movies."

Copertino added that whereas family time is important, it's also helpful for parents to recognize that their teen needs alone time.

Copertino told Patch, "Although there is opportunity for family quality time, parents should understand that teens will also need their time alone in their rooms as well. This is completely normal, within reason. We were all teenagers at one point and I know we all appreciated time to ourselves during this period."

As far as screen time goes, Copertino says, "I don’t have a magic number for screen time, but parents should understand that such methods of communication may be all that their son or daughter has at this present time to connect with their friends. Being connected with peers is most important to teenagers compared to any other age group. It is a big part of their lives."

Overall, Copertino encourages empathy for teens who are dealing with canceled events. He said, "In terms of cancelled events, I think first and foremost, have empathy and understanding for their child if such events end up being cancelled. These are events that are looked forward to for many and there is a sense of loss and disappointment if they end up being permanently cancelled."

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