Great Gift Ideas For Under $20,000,000,000.00

I’m tired of picking up a newspaper and finding yet another article full of suggestions for stocking stuffers for under $20.00.   Fine, there must have been dozens of such articles so far and it is only Dec. 2.  Thus I conclude that those for whom this financial advice is pertinent have gotten the message. But what about the other .01% of the people?  Who is helping them, now that we are closing in on the most important gift-giving day of the year?  I know they are scratching their heads trying to come up with the perfect little somethings to surprise their loved ones. 

I thought I might be able to suggest a few things, so in the holiday spirit, I am hereby sharing some ideas for stocking stuffers.  Well, okay, they aren’t exactly stocking stuffers, unless your stocking is the size and shape of Italy.

Ah, a good place to start. Why not consider surprising your wife this Christmas by giving her…Italy.   With the current political situation and austerity facing Italians, they might be willing to let the country go to some American CEO in search of the gift no one else is giving this year.   Think of the villas, the art, the food that can be hers. Of course, I know that even $20,000,000,000.00 would not buy all of Italy, but surely the EU would consider some sort of layaway scheme if some white knight were to make a reasonable offer.

Looking for something  closer to home. I’ll bet a little string of something pretty would please m’lady.    How about some islands off the coast of Maine? If you think Italy needs money, you should investigate Maine.  Let’s see, there’s Tinker Island for $3,395,000.00; Davis Island for $4,950,000.00; Nautilus Island for $10,600,000.00; White’s Island for $3,800,000.00, and ever so many more. Why not just get one Maine island for the toe of each of your children’s stockings?

Real estate not the turn-on it once was, then how about treating yourself this Christmas to a pro sports team?  An eHow contributor remarks, “The owner of a pro sports team is pretty much a god, trading players at a whim and even relocating the team if the desire strikes. And all you need to get in the game is money – a lot of money.” Sound like you?

I’ll bet your heart is starting to race. And why not?  A controlling share of a major sports franchise, again according to eHow, requires a minimum net worth of approximately $250 million. Or what about starting with a minor league team? The price range there goes from $2.5 million for a Class A team, to about $10 million for a AAA team.

Maybe you favor something a little smaller. Well, there’s always the traditional gift of fine art – a painting perhaps. The Wikipedia List of Most Expensive Paintings cites prices paid for paintings sold at auctions or private sales ranging from $61.7 million to $156.8 million.  At those prices, it would be well to consider several purchases.

And last but not least, consider a gift of jewelry.  There are always necklaces, rings, earrings, pendants, brooches and watches, but my personal favorite is the diamond bikini by designer Susan Rosen and Steinmetz Diamonds. According to the website What It Costs.com, this swimsuit is made of 150 carats of flawless D quality diamonds of different shapes, set in platinum. For $30 million you can make your wife one happy girl on Christmas morning.

There. I did it.  I helped the small group of people who have been so egregiously omitted from the holiday helpful suggestions for memorable gifts.  Now let’s all get out there and shop!