I Miss the Phone Book

Technology marches forward and I feel I’ve been a pretty good sport about learning to function in the world we now live in. I mastered the smart phone, GPS, and of course, the internet. I’m good with digital photography, scanning, attachments, uploads and downloads. QR codes, Facebook, Linked In, and Craig’s List: all great sources of information. And there’s nothing like Google to settle the everyday marital dispute about some trivial matter, i.e., how old is Tom Brady? But I am grieving for the phone book. You know the one I mean: it’s a big, thick volume of white pages followed by yellow pages. It was actually produced by the telephone company and contained useful information like a map of area codes, time zones, and zip codes. Advertising was limited to the yellow pages. You could request as many copies of it as you liked. It was really handy to keep one in your desk drawer and one out in the kitchen, near the phone. Old phone books made great booster seats for toddlers, in a pinch.

The first red flag was when the phone book started arriving with magnetic advertisements stuck to the front of it, and big tabbed heavy-stock inserts sticking out all over the place with more ads, usually for ambulance-chasing attorneys. I just ripped that stuff out and threw it away.

Then a phone book started coming that looked like the usual one, but it was an imposter: all yellow pages, no white pages, and published by a company other than the phone company to try and fool you. I once actually threw out the real phone book and got stuck with that useless volume.

It became confusing with all the advertising masquerading as phone books but if you paid attention, you still got the real one.

Then they stopped sending phone books. There was no big announcement about it that I heard of, but one day it dawned on me that I hadn’t received a new one in a very long time. A call to Verizon revealed that phone books are no longer delivered, but they will send you one upon request. So I asked for two. Several weeks later, they arrived: two very slim versions of the Worcester Area White Pages. No yellow. No business listings. So now, if I would like to call the pharmacy, or my veterinarian, or the local printer, I won’t find their number there. It’s really just totally annoying.  

The representative told me I should use the online phone book. OK, I tried the online phone book. I hate it. It’s more advertising. It takes too long for it to come up. If you type in the name of a business, it gives you the address but you have to click again to get the phone number (duh…..isn’t this a PHONE directory?). Oh, how I miss the convenience of just flipping through the old book. The smaller Westborough version of it was even better. That’s gone, too.

How about 411, you say? Well, it now costs extra to use it. I can’t say I blame them for eliminating the free service, since clueless people abused it by calling “information” to find out, for instance, how old is Tom Brady?

Along with phone books, the land-line telephone itself is in danger of extinction. Even though a cell phone is a mandatory tool of my business, I would still rather talk on a land line any day. It’s clear, it has no dead spots, and it doesn’t need a daily charge. It’s easily cradled on the shoulder so you can write or do some dusting while chatting. You will never see me with an electronic device embedded in the side of my head or worse, a headset. My car came with Bluetooth and I like it. But it’s fine with me if talking is banned along with texting in the car. Even with Bluetooth, it’s distracting.

R.I.P., my old friend the phone book. Off to the Smithsonian where you can join the Pay Phone, the rotary dial phone, and soon, the fax machine. Just excuse me while I pull off the information superhighway, to make a call.