Motherhood Through Obstacles With Faulty "Life Navigation System"

Hello All,

Please take a brief moment to read my story...

My husband and I separated early in 2014, after 13 years of marriage. As an unemployed stay-at home mother of 7 years at that time, I was left on my own with our 3 little children, in a big house that was falling into foreclosure very fast. I was immediately cut-off from our marital savings and faced with no means of support. I had no money and no access to any finances that were all in my husband’s name. I was just a housewife and motherhood for me didn't come with instructions to tackle such unexpected financial hardship. The "GPS of my Life" somehow redirected me from a "perfect family" to a daily struggle to survive, within days.

My first court hearing was pro bono. Eventually, I found an attorney who took my divorce case contingent to the sale of our marital residence and the liquidation of my husband’s retirement fund. The first 41 weeks I received no child support. The first 25 months I received no spousal alimony. Our house got eventually sold after 19 long months of expensive litigation and I was forced to move myself and the children into a rental apartment in town. My separated husband didn't even offer to help us move. The kids luckily continue to attend their schools uninterrupted despite our malignant divorce proceedings. The first year of my rental was paid for from my share of the property. Then, my remainder balance was taken away by my attorney on account of his legal fees. The county court house is a very familiar place by now, I've been there multiple times already.

Because I was left with no means to support myself and the children, my credit cards have finally reached their maximum spending allowance. During my 3-year separation, I have been solely paying (a.k.a. charging) for all living expenses such as food and clothing, utilities and insurance, medical bills, educational and extra-curricular activities, kids' birthday parties, and even all household expenses on the former marital property, just to name a few. Despite my numerous requests, I have not been yet reimbursed by my husband for any of his spousal and parental contributions/ share of such expenses incurred by me during our separation, for which I am fully entitled to, according to law. I am on the verge of virtual bankruptcy. But I shouldn't be.

On the bright side, after 10 years of being a stay-at-home mother, I found employment in town, which only pays for my rent. It's a good job. The under-calculated child support I started receiving upon my first year of separation only covers my work-related child care expenses with only $16.50 per week remaining to care for my 3 children. I am young, healthy and willing to work, no excuses there. However, with no savings and my credit cards busted, I am not able to financially support my kids on my own.

As a family of four, the children and I live now on $571 per month, despite being fully employed and despite my husband’s making pretty decent salary, on top of running his successful business off the books, which he certifies he does not. Looks like he cares for and supports his new girlfriends rather than his own offsprings.

When my attorney recently dropped my case because my marital funds were depleted and he stopped believing in a positive resolution (my case is like a "merry go round"), I reached the point where I started representing myself per se. And I had to take upon myself to become my own paralegal. As I was deeply and sincerely assured by my adversary, we could settle our marital dispute outside of the courtroom to avoid expensive litigation costs. That was such a naïve statement. Turns out, we are back in court for yet another expensive custody hearing. My personal GPS is redirecting me, yet again, to some other situation I did not foresee. But I am barely afloat this time.

With the summer just around the corner, I have to secure a budget for summer camps, which turns out to be very expensive for 3 children. I can see now how being a stay-at-home mom came with fabulous savings for our family! But those days are over. I don't have that kind of money. I can't make that kind of money. I can't save it nor can I borrow it. I should question myself if I need to quit my new job in lieu of child care when school is out and risk getting evicted because rent won't be paid? I would hope my husband contributes to this cause but as my case is dragging on, for some unexplained reasons, it's not an option right.

Life and bills still go on. I fully understand that I am not the first one and not the last separated mother in such bad economic circumstances. I just want to make sure that my children will be financially and adequately provided for while our high conflict custody dispute is being resolved some day.

If you know of a NJ matrimonial attorney willing to take upon my custody case, please share my story.

Any advice and help will be greatly appreciated.

Thank you!!