A Christian affirmation of same-sex marriages

It’s Holy Week.  My focus, as a priest, is on liturgies for this holiest week of the year.  Yet this week the Supreme Court is hearing two cases about same-sex marriage.  The media is full of discussions about how attitudes towards same-sex marriage are changing. Many of these discussions seem to assume that faithful Christians  want to uphold traditional definitions of marriage—and that is simply not true. 

I am a Christian who has been led by my faith, and supported by movements within my church, to affirm same-sex marriage. I have been privileged to work with members of the GLBT (Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual, Transgendered) community for over thirty years.  My “conversion,” from ignorance of same-sex relationships to full affirmation of sexual orientations and, after ordination, presiding at blessings of same-sex unions, came as Ron Portman’s did, through knowing GLBT acquaintances and friends. Even in college it soon seemed obvious to me that God made most people straight, some people gay or lesbian, and some people pushed to question their sexual identity in ways that fell outside of the usual boxes.

As I watched people choose lovers and life-time partners in the gay and straight communities, I found that there was a range of more and less healthy, more and less morally good, choices  to make.  Are the relationships respectful?  Consensual?  Life-giving?  Based on similar understandings of the importance of the relationship and the meaning of sex within it? The quality of relationship became much more morally important than the sex of the partners.

Then came AIDS, and the abuse faced by same-sex partners in hospitals, families, social service agencies, and society as their loved ones were dying was outrageous.  People were whisked away from their long-term committed partners by families, o refused entrance to hospitals or emergency rooms, because they were not married—in the early 80’s same-sex marriage was seen as impossible and unnatural as mixed-race marriages in the early 20^th century.

Now, with companies laying off workers and cutting back on health insurance, I still see the negative consequences of marriage inequality because many benefits are restricted to legally married (hence heterosexual in all but 6 states) couples.  Even the (Episcopal) Church Pension Fund insists that same-sex partners be married, not “just” civilly unioned, if they are to receive benefits.  So folks in New Jersey who had a religious blessing of their partnership in the eighties, and then a civil union in NJ when that became legal, still have to go to New York and be married before they can receive benefits! And what if the couple lives in Arkansas?  Similar problems exist with adoptions, living wills, general wills, life insurance, etc. 

But my argument is not only about civil rights, which flow for me from the commitment to treat all people as children of God. I don’t believe it is morally right for people of only one part of one of the many religious traditions lived in this state and nation to try to enshrine their religious beliefs in civil law. Wasn’t there something about the separation of religion and state in the U.S. Constitution?

More importantly for me as a woman of faith, GLBT people have the same need for worship, education in faith, sacraments, confession, community, meaning and value as anyone else. I know the scriptures that are used to argue that homosexuality is wrong. I interpret those passages in ways that do not condemn contemporary loving same-sex relationships.  Faithful Christians who don’t believe homosexuality is a gift from God are entitled to their beliefs. But that is not the only way to be a Christian.

Many Episcopal churches offer a place in the Christian community for safety, inclusion, and affirmation of same-sex partnerships. “Love one another as I have loved you.”  “Love God with heart and soul and strength, and love your neighbor as yourself.” These are the faith claims that lead me to work for justice in the public square and welcome in the religious sanctuary for people who find themselves in love with God and same-sex partners. As the motto of Good Shepherd invites: "There's a place for you at God's table: all are welcome here!"