The Quays: Definitely Not What I Was Expecting

I’ve been a little sick this week, and as such, have had no desire to drink. How weird, right?? 

Okay, so maybe that’s a stretch, because I have been craving a Hot Toddy, that warm mix of tea, whiskey, honey and lemon. Not only will it cure what ails you, it’s also delicious. Anyway, this isn’t a story about Hot Toddy’s at all, it’s a story about me being miserable and sick at .

The Quays is what I think of when I think of the typical Hoboken club scene. For some reason, I had shoved it out of my mind when I think of restaurants, or nice bars to visit on a weekday. Nope, in my head it was all techno and vodka-cranberry’s in plastic cups with two little straws. So anyway, with a foggy brain all hopped up on cold medicine, I found myself at The Quays. I think it was the silvery blue walls and the beams that make it look like the inside of a whale.

To my dismay, the actual bar is behind a shiny curtained partition, and it looks a lot crappier than the dining room. Which is to say, there are no blue and silvery lights, and it feels more like I’m sitting in Uncle Ralph’s basement, instead of in a whale belly. (Uncle Ralph’s basement = bad; whale belly = good; are we all caught up?)

“We should have just gotten dinner,” I said to my date, between sniffles into my tissue.

I ordered an $8 Chardonnay, and my date had a $10 Scotch. We both seemed to have the distinct feeling that we were overpaying to sit in a bar that looked more akin to Applebees than the fancy waterfront destination The Quays considers itself.

There’s a liquor menu and a wine list on their website, if you want to check out some of the rest of the prices before you go. Oh, you want a beer? Well then, I must ask in all sincerity, why you would choose to go to The Quays for a room temperature Coors, when this town just got a freakin’ beer garden?

Anyway! Our bartender was nice and attentive enough, but then again, the bar was pretty empty, so…

The Quays does have a nice outdoor dining space, but with just drinks in our hands, we were shunned. I’m sure it would be a nice spot to gaze longingly into your lover’s eyes or something like that, against the backdrop of the Hudson River and the glittering lower Manhattan skyline. But, instead my date and I hung around Uncle Ralph's neighborhood Applebees bar.

The bar does have some decent specials during the week: for football fans, Monday night brings an all-night Happy Hour and a free halftime buffet, Tuesday is a dinner special (so who cares), Wednesday is half-priced martinis, and Sunday offers specials on sangria and beer pitchers all night.

And yes, I would be remiss if I didn’t mention that The Quays does indeed turn into a booty bouncing techno club on the weekends, which I will continue to avoid for the rest of my life. But while some places have the same situation—I’m thinking of the W’s Chandelier Room—they are still pretty nice places to grab a drink after work. The Quays... not so much.

So here’s my quick run-down on The Quays. If you’re there to dance around in your distressed Italian jeans and/or tiny miniskirts, then yes, you will love The Quays. You will go home and post “crazy” photos of your night on Facebook and tag all of your besties and be all, “Our life is your vacation” or something like that. But, if you are looking to grab a drink with some buddies after work, or on a weekend, you will probably hate The Quays. On the basis of that, I will award it four frosty mugs, and invite you to take a gander through the archives for a bar choice that might better suit your occasion.