Russ's Ravings: Things I Want My Daughter To Know 'Just In Case'

Editor's note: The following is Patch Field Editor Russ Crespolini's, hopefully, weekly column. It is reflective of his opinion alone.

This was a column I didn't want to write, but that I needed to write. Thank you, in advance, for your indulgence. On Wednesday, at an ungodly hour in the morning I am going to have surgery at the Memorial Sloan Kettering Cancer Center in New York to remove a brain tumor that has been plaguing me for quite some time.

It is the first step in treating the Cushing's Disease and a series of maladies triggered by the growth.

You can catch up on the story as I've documented it up to this point by reading some of my older columns.

• Russ's Ravings: The Doctor Called To Tell Me I Have A Tumor
• Russ's Ravings: Your Life Flashes Before Your Eyes
• Russ's Ravings: A Tale Of (At Least) Two Tumors
• Russ's Ravings: The Horrors Of Waiting Mitigated By Laughter
• Russ's Ravings: 'One Slip, And You're Toast'
• Russ's Ravings: I'm not Okay. And That's Okay
• Russ's Ravings: All I Want For Christmas Is Brain Surgery
• Russ's Ravings: I'm Glad I Am The One Who Is Sick

But as I prepare for Wednesday, I wanted to put together what will no doubt be a woefully inadequate list of things I want to tell my daughter. Things I think she should know.

If I am not around to tell them to her.

• I'm sorry. I suppose the first thing I should say is that I am sorry that I made a mistake that took me away from you. I thought it was the right decision at the time and I was wrong.
• It is ok to be angry. You can be angry at everyone and everything, including me. This is not fair and you didn't deserve to have this happen. We were supposed to be together for much longer.
• You have to learn to trust again.
• There is so much beauty in the world. But you have to look for it.
• It is ok to ask for help. In fact, you should do it whenever you need it and there is no shame in it.
• No one can tell you what is best for you. Trust yourself.
• If you are willing to make the sacrifice, there is nothing you can't accomplish.
• You will make mistakes. And that is ok. Your father made more mistakes than he could ever count. But he tried his very best to learn from them.
• You are a compassionate person. Don't let that instinct die. Even though people may take advantage, nurture that compassion. There is so little of it in this world.
• Love is love. All that matters is the person you find it with loves you too.
• Listen to your mother. And cut her some slack.
• Everything we do, we do to keep you safe. You need to trust our guidelines.
• Invest your time and energy, not your money, into your hobbies.
• School is important. And it will be what you make of it. Find joy, find amusement, find ways to grow while you are there. Don't take it for granted.
• You are much stronger than you realize.
• There is not wrong choice of college. You can always adjust.
• Lead through examples, not edicts.
• Whether it is theater or sports do not continue to do an activity out of habit. Do them because you love them or do something else. Life is too short.
• Always honor your commitments.
• Courage isn't not feeling afraid. Courage is being afraid as hell and doing it anyway.
• Take blame, share credit.
• When life feels like it is moving too fast, slow it down. Take some deep breaths and take in your surroundings. Find your favorite room in the house and sit there. Read Calvin and Hobbes, or draw.
• You are not expected to be perfect. You are only expected to try your best.
• Team Free Will: Do not give up your decisions to friends, groups, religions or political parties.
• Do not generalize. Take situations on a case by case basis.
• Don't do things for others expecting something similar in return. You cannot expect YOU from others.
• There are days you won't want to deal with. It is ok to feel that way. It is not ok to act on those feeling.
• People who bully and lash out often do so because they are hurt. Pity them. Try to understand them. And if that doesn't work, fight back.
• Kindness is not weakness.
• Sometimes walking away is the best solution.
• This list isn't profound. But it is all me.
• Except this: When the mob and the press and the whole world tell you to move. Your job is to plant yourself like a tree beside the river of truth and tell the whole world: “No, you move.”
• Stand up for others when you can.
• Laugh. Especially at yourself.
• Be yourself. Don't imitate or copy or compare yourself to others.
• You were, and have always been, the most beautiful thing I have ever seen.
• Every single morning I woke up in our house, I woke up smiling because of you.
• I failed at being a good enough father every single day. But I never stopped trying. Because you deserved the best.
• There will be good days and bad days. Celebrate the good ones and do your best to get through the bad. Nothing lasts forever.
• You saved me. Every day.
• Being your father was the greatest thing that ever happened to me. No one else will ever be your Dad. And I am so lucky to have had such an honor.
• Keep with family traditions. Keep with family vacations. Build memories to pass on.
• Parents talk about their children being destined for great things. I know you are destined to be a great person.
• You will use your heart, your courage, your humor to help others. When you help others, you also help yourself.
• You are going to have an amazing life.
• I am so very proud of you.
• There is never enough time. Never enough "I love yous" or "I'm proud of yous." The words will always pale in comparison to what my feelings are. If I didn't say it enough or make you feel it enough, I'm sorry.
• Nothing can ever really separate us. I will always be just one thought, one dream, one heartbeat away.

Editor's note: Russ made it through surgery and was doing well on Wednesday. We will keep you updated on his progress.

Russ Crespolini is a Field Editor for Patch Media, adjunct professor and college newspaper advisor. His columns have won awards from the National Newspaper Association and the New Jersey Press Association.

He writes them in hopes of connecting with readers and engaging with them. And because it is cheaper than therapy. He can be reached at russ.crespolini@patch.com